Hufflepuff: Hey, I’m going to grab some breakfast. Do you want anything?
Ravenclaw: Sleep replacement.
Hufflepuff: What?
Ravenclaw: Oh I mean warm bean juice.
Hufflepuff: Do you mean coffee?
Ravenclaw: Yes! Words are hard in the morning.

normal-horoscopes:

“I saw them, like little children made of heat and light, little black spots like eyes turned to look at me. The corpse was holding the captain up by her neck. It whispered something to her and threw her to the ground. I heard bones snap like dry leaves. Then it looked at me, it fucking looked at me with those hollow eyes. It put its foot on the captains head. It asked me if I was going to run and then it crushed the captains head like a watermelon. I ran.”

The Signs and Knights

normal-horoscopes:

Aries: Knights in ornate silver armor with masks like a beak. Their unusual curved glaives resemble an outstretched cranes wing. Each piece of the maille, sharpened to a razor edge.

Taurus: Knights that run on all fours, a pair of axes strapped to their backs. They wear only hides, relying on speed and ferocity to keep them safe.

Gemini: The holy knights of a vast arid empire swathed in silks and scales. Heavy curved greatswords inscribed with the words of the prophet act as weapon and canticle alike. 

Cancer: The knights just below the surface of the mire. Wicker masks and wooden pikes waiting in ambush.

Leo: Knights frozen in place, like gargoyles still watching over the battlements where they stood guard for thousands of years, armor frosted white by the arctic wind.

Virgo: The royal guard ritually buried with their queen. Mummified flesh and tarnished bronze armor patrolling the endless halls of the great necropolis.

Libra: The banner-bearers of a great nomadic army. Their backs adorned with torches and horsetails, wicked barbed arrowheads rest on their shoulders, one for every rider struck down.

Scorpio: The knights bedecked in crows feathers. Rarely engaging in combat themselves, they use their long hooked spears to snag the corpses of the fallen and spirit them away.

Ophiuchus: The last of a now unrecognizable order of knights. A great axe warped by unnatural fire. All too familiar eyes.

Sagittarius: The royal guards that have protected the family for generations. Fine steel interworked with lace and taffeta. Weapons fashioned to look like sewing implements. 

Capricorn: The only of the pirates to return, whispers of voices in the deep. Shedding all man-made clothing, clutching only a dagger made of whale bone.

Aquarius: The legion that was melted down in the great furnaces, their weapons and armor reforged into something unspeakable.

Pisces: Knights that scaled the walls of the great cities. Leaping over the heads of the spearmen. Steel balls and leather slings viciously denting armor.