Since once in a blue moon I actually discover a decent rule for adulting, and since I know I have followers a few years younger than me who are just entering the workforce, I want to tell you about a very important phrase.
“I won’t be available.”
Imagine you’re at work and your boss asks you to come in on Saturday. Saturday is usually your day off–coming in Saturdays is not an obligation to keep your job. Maybe you were going to watch a movie with a friend, or maybe you were just going to lie in bed and eat ice cream for eight hours, but either way you really, really don’t want to give up your day off.
If you consider yourself a millennial you’ve probably been raised to believe you need to justify not being constantly at work. And if you’re a gen-Z kid you’re likely getting the same toxic messages that we did. So in a situation like that, you might be inclined to do one of three things:
Tell your boss you’d rather not give up your day off. Cave when they pressure you to come in anyway, since you’re not doing anything important.
Tell your boss you’d rather not give up your day off. Over-apologize and worry that you looked bad/unprofessional.
Lie and say you’ve got a doctor’s appointment or some other activity that feels like an adequate justification for not working.
The fact is, it doesn’t matter to your boss whether you’re having open heart surgery or watching anime in your underwear on Saturday. The only thing that affects them is the fact that you won’t be at work. So telling them why you won’t be at work only gives them reason to try and pressure you to come in anyway.
If you say “I won’t be available,” giving no further information, you’d be surprised how often that’s enough. Be polite and sympathetic in your tone, maybe even say “sorry, but I won’t be available.” But don’t make an excuse. If your boss is a professional individual, they’ll accept that as a ‘no’ and try to find someone else.
But bosses aren’t always professional. Sometimes they’re whiny little tyrants. So, what if they pressure you further? The answer is–politely and sympathetically give them no further information.
“Are you sure you’re not available?” “Sorry, but yes.”
“Why won’t you be available?” “I have a prior commitment.” (Which you do, even if it’s only to yourself.)
“What’s your prior commitment?” “Sorry, but that’s kind of personal.”
“Can you reschedule it?” “I’m afraid not. Maybe someone else can come in?”
If you don’t give them anything to work with, they can’t pressure you into going beyond your obligations as an employee. And when they realize that, they’ll also realize they have to find someone else to come in and move on.
Art Critic: the skull in the corner is artfully placed on the periphery of vision to symbolise the omnipresence of death, important thematically to the artist’s conception of life and mortality.
Actual Artist: aw shit, I got all this negative space, guess I’ll stick a skull there that looks pretty rad.
I painted a copy of Vermeer’s Girl with a Pearl Earring for a class in college, and when I displayed it for review the professor was like, “Are you making a statement about materialism by not painting her wearing the actual earring?”
And that, kids, was the first time I ever cursed in front of a teacher.
The painting is called The Girl with the Pearl Earring, and I forgot. To paint. The damned. EARRING.
Aww Anon, I’m sorry. : ( I overthink a lot more than I should. I think knowing that it’s something you do is half the battle. Here are the steps I take when I find myself thinking too much:
1. Realize I’m probably overthinking.
2. Take a step back form the situation, remove myself to another room or go outside or put my phone down. Getting fresh air can do wonders for clarity.
3. Rationalize the situation. If I find I did something wrong, try to apologize. If I rationally find I didn’t do anything I could consider wrong, remind myself that that’s probably paranoia talking.
4. Remind myself that people think way less about me than I think they do. I think that’s true for almost everyone, unless you’re a big celebrity haha. Most people probably aren’t thinking about you all the time.
That’s in a social situation. If I’m overthinking my art, I will work on a personal piece that is special to me and only me. Something that reminds me why I love art. That helps ground me and keep me from spiraling into the “oh no I know nothing about art and I never will and I’ll never be good because….” abyss. It’s easy to get caught there if you’re not vigilant.
Anyway, I hope this helps with whatever situation you’re in at the moment and I hope you can find your way out soon : )
All of this is true! I fall into the doubt abyss a lot, too, and it’s extremely hard to get out of it when the weight of the doubt impairs your ability to draw like you want to, so that reinforces (falsely) the doubts… It’s a vicious circle.
If I may include an experience of mine…
One thing that helps me is to have a good sit-down with my doubts, acknowledge that they exist (not that they are true, just that they exist), and then tell myself “even if some of it may be true, I still have plenty of time to change as much of it as I want.” It’s empowering to me to be able to turn it around like that, although I know it won’t work for everyone. It brings me peace to know that I am in control of my art skill, and that in social situations, life goes on, and not everyone will believe whatever nasty things may or may not be said about us.
Thank you for this! It should be helpful to a lot of us =v=
like other people balk at 100+ hour playthroughs and think it’s weird to “romance” a video game character but my boyfriend started playing and like 2 hours in he was like “i reloaded because cassandra didn’t like something I said, is that normal”
backup blogging platform 