Tag: dnd

bemusedlybespectacled:

spiritednug:

z-nogyrop:

lovelylovelyartist:

theorynoodle:

mezzodical:

one round/action in D&D is 6 seconds so anything you could accomplish during a vine you could do during your turn

Rogue: “I’m back at it again at Krispy Kreme.”

DM: “Roll an acrobatics check.”

Fighter: I want to see my little boy

DM: roll a perception check

*nat 20*

DM: here he comes

bard: toss me my keys

*rolls a 1*

DM: i thought you said printer

Fairy: I still haven’t found my berries

DM: roll a perception check

*rolls a 9*

Fairy: BUT! *holds up an orange* I found this.

Druid: I am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand.

DM: Roll an intimidation check.

*nat 20*

DM: Poseidon quivers before him!

Druid: Fuck off!

lmao @queeragainsthumanity, @kountoall and @twitter-hikari

@queeragainsthumanity helped me create my very first DnD chara!!!

Wood elf monk named Adelas, Chaotic Good, Hermit, the Worst Superiority Complex™, tries to punch everyone that he thinks annoying, won’t speak bc awful accent.
if he finds you cute there’s a 50/50 chance he faints or punch you.

A+ chara tbh
My kind of disaster.

I just put the inventory under the read more, it’s more of a ref for me than anything else.

– scroll case full of notes (it’s on his belt, behind)
– explorer’s pack
– winter blanket
– herbalism kit

– Dart x 10
– Quarterstaff

– A set of common clothes

kaijuslayer:

Let me tell you about one of my high school friends’ old Dungeons and Dragons PCs.

Olaf Olafson was your pretty straightforward Northman Barbarian type. Huge, strong, pale, red-haired and with a tremendous beard. What made Olaf special was the little things.

Despite living in a world with clerical magic, demons, and other powerful alignment-based Outsiders, Olaf was an atheist. This was because his people believed the last world had already ended and the gods went with it (basically post-Ragnarok). All that was left were ‘spirits’. Powerful spirits. Who could grant deific magic. But they weren’t gods, and you didn’t have to worship them- in fact you shouldn’t, because it would just inflate their already swollen egos.

Despite being an enormous, frightening, powerful man with dubious hygeine and a propensity for going literally berserk in combat, Olaf was a gentle fellow in towns and villages, had a deep fondness for small fluffy animals and children, and was a generous tipper.

Olaf liked to drink. Not mead, but wine. He liked to sip it. It made him feel ‘civilized’. He never drank it quickly enough to get drunk. His meals almost invariably consisted of “Wine. Meat. Cheese.” Which was what he would order in literally every tavern. They’d ask him to clarify, what sort of wine? What sort of meat? What sort of- Olaf would raise a hand and repeat, slowly, as if to a fool: “Wine. Meat. Cheese.” 

Olaf spoke broken common, more or less Hulk-speak, referred to himself in the third person almost exclusively, all that fun stuff. Then we had a story arc where I sent them up to Olaf’s homeland, where everyone spoke ‘Northman’ or whatever the hell I called it. While up there, he was incredibly fluent. Even poetic. “My brothers! I have returned from the decadent lands of the south, bearing riches and glory, and tales of great deeds!” The other players caught on and talked like a pack of movie Frankensteins, barely able to communicate in the foreign tongue.

For a long time, Olaf was the most financially stable member of the party. Because he bought a tavern in their home-base-town, hired the senior barmaid/waitress lady to be the manager, and funneled the profits back into the business. He kept his adventuring money and his tavern money separate, except when he would sometimes spend adventuring money to expand the tavern. 

 There’s not a lot to do in 3rd edition with skill ranks when you’re a barbarian, so eventually Olaf sank a point into Healing on a lark. A few sessions later, they captured an important enemy NPC, but he’d lost an arm in the fighting and was about to die. Their cleric had been captured and their NPC paladin wasn’t around, either. There was no magical healing available, and no one else had any ranks in healing. The dude was about to die, and take with him the knowledge of where their friends had been taken. Olaf- with a  single rank in Healing I remind you -offered to save his life in exchange for the location, and the guy agreed. Olaf then stuck a sword in the fire, said “Olaf see this once,” and cauterized the wound.

It worked, of course. I didn’t even make him roll. I was too busy trying not to piss myself laughing. “Olaf see this once.” Jesus Christ.

say-that:

titleknown:

fromthemindofatwentyorotherlycan:

fattyatomicmutant:

I love Dungeons and Dragons prestige classes like there’s a kind of Blood Mage that has the power to teleport by CRAMMING THEMSELVES INTO SOMEBODYS WOUND EVEN A PAPERCUT WILL DO AND POP OUT OF SOMEBODY ELSES WOUND THATS THE SAME BLOOD TYPE REGARDLESS OF DISTANCE.

Can you imagine it you get a PAPERCUT and some some unkempt wizard just stumbles out of it?

No but you’re missing the best part of that class they can LITERALLY MAKE YOU EXPLODE by popping out of you like say the big bad is the same blood type as one of your buddies you can just be like “hey fred give yourself a small cut on yer arm” and fred can and then you just cram yourself into fred’s arm and fucking six seconds later then bigbad just fucking EXPLODES IN A SHOWER OF BLOOD AND GORE AS YOU POP OUT OF THEM BEING ALL “SUPRISE MUTHERFUCKER BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING”

There’s also

  • The Acolyte Of The Skin; who replaces his entire skin with a
    demon. Like, a whole fucking demon.
  • The Green Star Adept who just fucking eats a whole bunch of
    fucking expensive space-metal to turn himself into space-metal; just
    shoves it all in his facehole.
  • The Squire of Legend; which is literally a class training to be
    the best second-banana to the actual heroes you can be.
  • The Ghost-Faced Killer, an actual fucking prestige class named
    after a Wu-Tang Clan member
  • The Vigilante, a class notable for the main fact that its sample
    character is a fucking hobbit-Batman named fucking Beasley Biggums
  • The Rage Mage, who improves her spellcasting by getting really
    fucking angry.
  • The Flayerspawn Psychic, who is a psychic who gets their powers
    from having a Mind Flayer (IE, those squid-headed guys) in their
    family tree, despite the fact that Mind Flayer reproduction involves
    a worm eating your brain from the inside out and using your body as a
    host, which is one of the many reasons the book it comes from is
    considered one of the worst in 3.5E
  • The Vassal of Bahamut; who literally has a class feature of “gets
    a shit-ton of money” at certain levels
  • The Impure Prince, who fights Lovecraftian abominations by turning
    herself into a Lovecraftian
    abomination, which seems both ill-advised and severely
    badass     at the same time.
  • The Master of Masks; which allows you to make Majora’s
    Mask-style masks that give you various powers and is actually
    legit-cool fluff-wise despite actually being not-very-good gameplay
    wise
  • The Thrall Of Orcus; whose requirements bizarrely specify doing a
    dark ritual “atop an altar made of at least thirty skulls.”
  • The Lord of Tides; which specialises in getting water in the
    desert and has an ability that allows you to extract water forcibly
    from a person Tank Girl-style. And if you kill somebody with it, the
    water turns into a magical water imp for about a minute!
  • The Divine Prankster, who plays April Fools-style practical jokes
    in the name of the Gods and literally has an ability that’s pretty
    much the World’s Deadliest Joke from that one Monty Python sketch.
  • The Primeval, who literally slowly becomes a fucking Caveman as
    she gains levels and has the ability to turn into prehistoric
    megafauna as one of its primary class features.
  • The Cancer Mage, who can literally turn into a flying disease at
    its highest level, has a sentient tumor as a familiar; can make armor
    out of garbage, and is actually-pretty-terrible gameplay-wise unless
    you get the right diseases; in which case it becomes unspeakably
    broken
  • The Ashworm Dragoon; which is pretty much a literal specialized
    Sandworm-rider class. SHAI HULUUD!
  • The Renegade Mastermaker, who is literally a magical cyborg
    dedicated to physically emulating a specific player race of magical
    robots (Yes, D&D has that), who has a magic cyborg arm called a
    BATTLEFIST as a class feature.
  • The Risen Martyr who is literally Jesus-come-back-from-the-dead as
    a prestige class.

D&D is amaaaaaaaazing…

tag urself im the rage mage