•"hey, y’see the red thing at the top of the shelf, will you get it?“ “Sorry, what?” “On the sh-” “oh yeah sure, I’ll get it.”
•*doesn’t hear teacher because someone’s pen is making a scratchy sound at the back of the room*
•*replays video 10 ten times to figure out what they’re saying*
•teachers asking, “why do you always stop writing in the middle of a sentence, just write down whatever I’m saying,” followed by the response, “I’m just processing it,” rebuked by, “we’ll stop processing it and just write.”
•*gets really focused on staring out the window and goes through four songs without hearing a single on*
someone is whispering to their friends in the library, you don’t even know who this person is but you know their major, what state they grew up in, and their hobbies during high school. you just wanted to find a quiet spot to do your chemistry homework.
wanting to chime in on other people’s conversations all the time, but don’t, because you’re not suppose to be “listening” to them.
being the only person in the house that can hear that awful buzzing sound certain electronics make
hiding in your room because everything is too loud.
motorcycles were invented by satan
being told that you have dog-like hearing by friends and family
being yelled at for “not listening” by friends and family.
God. God. God. God.
This entire post is so fucking relatable it hurts
“You just need to learn to tune it out.”
Forgetting how to think because ambient noise is drowning out your internal monologue.
“No, I don’t need the volume up, I’d just really like to put on subtitles. No, I don’t need to move closer, I just…”
Leaving the room whenever someone starts talking on the phone.
Pausing your video whenever someone starts talking but trying really really hard not to seem passive aggressive about it.
Struggling to explain why this one sound is the most horrible thing in the world while other very similar sounds are fine.
i cant believe its daylight savings time and i havent seen the “hello its me your cousin oskaar from iceland” video on my dash yet you are all slackers
i guess i have to do all the work around here dont i
i thought succulents were supposed to be the easy do-nothing plant thats impossible to kill but these fuckers are WAY more difficult than all the beans i had to grow in high school. wtf
a normal plant: just fuckin stick it in the sun and give it water. lookin malnourished? nourish it. stuff like blight, aphids, and spider mites are easy as fuck to diagnose and treat.
a god damn succulent, apparently: only likes dry aerated soil mixtures and barely any water ever and lots of indirect sunlight but no direct sunlight and sometimes they just start to look rotting and crinkly and mushy which either means theyre overwatered or underwatered or the soil’s retaining too much moisture or they’re just sad about living in your shitty house. will become naked and die for no apparent reason. you fucking suck
also fucking succulents: throw a rotten dead leaf from 1964 on a plate and watch it spring back to FUCKING life, i guess.
More poorly thought out yet incidentally useful enchantments:
A flying castle full of fabulous treasure. Unfortunately, the flying enchantment was calibrated to the precise weight of the treasure; any significant decrease in weight causes the whole building to go shooting off into the stratosphere, while any significant addition – like, say, the weight of the royal family – causes it to settle to the ground. The treasure has long since been removed to less finicky storage (and carefully replaced with rocks of equal mass), but the castle itself remains in use as a mobile observation platform.
A river that flows uphill. Somehow it never occurred to the enchanter that a backwards river necessarily originates in the sea; as a result, the water is saline, rendering it useless for drinking and irrigation and playing havoc with the riverside ecosystem. On the plus side, having rivers that go both directions has been a great boon for inland trade.
A forest whose trees bear flawless sapphires of enormous size as fruit. Though intended as a source of boundless treasure, owing to the abundance of the forest’s output and the impossibility of securing its borders, in practice it’s depressed the value of gem-grade sapphires throughout the region, to the point that they’re worth less than common quartz. The ready availability of large, high-quality sapphires has, however, led to enormous advancement in the science of optics in nearby kingdoms.
Having a river that flows uphill is also a massive source of power.
True, though It’s only a better power source than a regular river if the water comes back down again. As I’m picturing it, it doesn’t; the main course continues uphill until it reaches its “source” high in the mountains, where the water completes its inverted cycle by streaming up into the sky, shedding its mineral content in the process and leaving behind twisting spires of sea-salt dozens or hundreds of feet high.
(The salt-maze is a potentially lucrative target for adventurers, if they can survive the environment, as anything that’s been washed upstream eventually winds up there. Watch out for salt dragons!)
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