Status: First chapter is nowhere near finished. But I have IDEAS and shameless enablers.
(you know who you are @thecrackening)

Below is a. Thing with Jiraiya, Team Shi, Hizashi and Oro. Hope you like it!

“Hokage-sama!”

The four cries in concert just made Sarutobi sigh heavily. Which problem required his attention now?

On the side of the room, Jiraiya, (who was a few seconds from giving his report), was now smirking and leaning against the wall, leaving the desk completely free for-

Well for the three genin of Team Shi and the brother of their sensei.

Hiruzen could just feel the headache coming. What had the cursed team done now?

He didn’t have to wonder for long as Hiashi slammed the desk with both hands. “Hokage-sama, I ask that you get your student here and get him to confess what he has done to my brother.”

The monkey summoner lost his pipe.
What now? He glanced at Jiraiya but he only got a helpless shrug in answer. Whatever happened it wasn’t his fault.

“Which one? As you may be aware Hyuuga-sama, I have three of them.”

The venomous glare of the Hyuuga head of clan just left him tired.

“The Snake sannin! My brother’s genin tell me that he’s been prowling around Hizashi for weeks now and my twin wasn’t here at their meeting this morning. And we seem unable to find him.”

Hiruzen sighed deeply.

“While I am sure Orochimaru-kun had nothing to do with it, I’m willing to humor you. Jiraiya-kun, care to make sure Orochimaru-kun doesn’t have Hizashi hidden somewhere?”

Jiraiya just grinned at his sensei before making a bastardized salute.

“Sure thing sensei,” he said before leaving by the window.

Jiraiya opened the door to Orochimaru’s apartment with a grand kick, announcing his presence to not only the inhabitant of the place but also all the neighbours.

Not that there was much of that since it was Orochimaru but eh. Intentions and all?

“Soooo Oro-teme, mind telling me why there are three munchkins besieging Sensei, who apparently believe you have managed to kill off their sensei?”

The pointed silence answering him was all the answer he needed.
Oh shit.
Did he really kill the brother’s of the Hyuuga head of clan?

Well, he thought while kicking the bedroom door open, he could at least be generous towards the bastard and help him.

“Oro-teme, if you need help hiding the body I can-”

His horrified stare stopped on the bed. With two people in it. As in. Two people who had got up to an obviously active night and very active morning.

Oh gods.

“I,” said Jiraiya dramatically, quickly slapping his hand over his eyes, “am never going to be able to unsee that. I am scarred for life, you bastard.”

He could feel the unamused glare of his teammate which. He didn’t deserve that, okay.

“That’s what you get for barging into people’s room uninvited, you fool,” was the dry response of Orochimaru. “Let alone their apartment.”

Jiraiya waved his other hand as if to dismiss Orochimaru’s argument. After a few seconds of dithering he decided that the wall was a preferable sight to what actually greeted him in the first place.

“So yeah, like. You probably should warn Sensei not to worry about Hizashi, because three genin and his twin are currently assaulting the desk. They are completely certain that you want to kill him, you know as opposed to fucking him.”

The mortified sound Hizashi made the mental scarring Jiraiya almost worth it.