yogi!Oro! Oh Lord, you know he’d be the one to effortlessly do everything and everyone equally admires him and hates him for it. He’s quietly smug about it too, but people are usually so busy staring at his skill (and by that I mean body) that they don’t notice. But ‘flexible’ must be a key word for Oro: flexible morals, flexible body, flexible mindset, gender and sexuality. I don’t really do mpreg, but I would 1000% percent believe mpreg!Oro because he’d do it out of *spite*. Jiraiya would 1/2

blackkatmagic:

make a joke about Oro being feminine ending with “But at least you can’t get pregnant, that would give me nightmares.” There and then Oro’s like, ‘fuck you I can do what I want and I’ll get pregnant. See you in your nightmares.’ No more than a year later Oro shows up smug as fuck and says “I’m pregnant.” Tsunade scans him three times, promptly beats up Jiraiya because by now Oro explained it was Jiraiya’s fault (“But he’s not the father of my child!”) and gone to drink away the day. Actually she’s baby shopping because she’s going to be an aunty! *Sarutobi* gets drunk. Probably because, for some reason, I’m imagining this happening to Oro in his late teens/early twenties as that’s the exact mindset of cutting off the nose to spite the face. Except the Sannin have existed in that mindset since they were six and will until they die. Point is, Oro’s flexible in all ways and is more than spiteful enough to violate laws of nature because a friend said/bet he couldn’t.

Oh god. Same with the mpreg, but I could absolutely see this. Orochimaru’s motivations are curiosity and spite in equal measure, and it would be so hilariously in character I’m dying. 

wifepup:

clotair:

apocolypticprince:

Fun Fact: Wasp spray is much more effective than pepper spray or mace and the creep that you spray will literally have to go to the hospital, unlike pepper spray that wears off. It stings more and literally it’s much cheaper and more accessible. I have a can in my car and I’ve never had to use it (thank god) but it doesn’t expire, all you have to do is give it a shake like once in a while, unlike mace or pepper spray. A bunch of girls at my college have a can, and my campus police officer swears by it. Just putting that out there because hey, you never know. Stay safe y’all 🌸

isn’t using these type of products in a way other their intention against federal law… 

using wasp spray for defense is alone a felony but on top of that, all other spray chemicals than capsaicin (pepper spray) are typically banned in most cities and/or states.

the active chemicals in wasp spray are neurotoxins; on contact with skin it can cause severe irritation and numbness like pepper spray, but if too much is inhaled or ingested, you can literally cause death with it in extreme cases in people with high sensitivity or allergic reactions. it can very between low effectiveness (no ingestion or low mucosal membrane contact) and possibly lethal (respiratory or cardiac arrest in extreme cases), meaning it may do basically nothing to stop an attacker or you could straight up accidentally kill them. and neither of these effects are remotely as immediate as pepper spray.

it is absolutely not a feasible alternative for self defense. do not spread misinformation.

there are different kinds of pepper spray and some work at the same distance and volume as wasp spray, so that is not an advantage either

there is absolutely no reason to use it lol

rattlecat:

spaceskater-tony:

whencartoonsruletheworld:

chainerstorment:

kingloptr:

chazzaroo47:

novellaqueen:

do older generations not get fatalistic humor?? like the other day my friend’s parents were hanging around and we were joking and i was like “well no matter what i can always fling myself off the nearest cliff” and they didn’t laugh then later the mom pulled me aside and was like “maybe you should get some help, sweetie” like stfu?? help? in this economy? i don’t think so, debra

I honestly don’t think they get it as a coping mechanism, they think it’s a cry for help rather than actually helping.

i’d even say it’s past just coping and is also now a category of Stuff Kids Got Used To When No One Was Looking; not everyone using that humor is even covering up something bigger, we just stopped thinking fatalistic = taboo/unspeakable somewhere along the line, and most parents don’t seem to know why or how ~

My boss opened a door and missed me by inches, he said “whoops, almost killed you there!” My result of “Oh, if only.” Led to an awkward end of shift debrief.

This generation shares the same humor as the goddamn Addams Family and the previous generation is the White Sixties Family™ that lives next door and runs away screaming at the end of the episode

I will say that it’s interesting because this kind of humor is very, very prevalent somewhere else…

the military.

Which is honestly a place you would expect fatalistic humor to be common and used as a coping method. You’re one “oops” away from death on the flight deck, one inch to the left and you don’t have a head anymore because the jet that just landed now owns it as a wing-tip decoration. So you joke about it because lowkey you’re fucking terrified it’ll happen, but you’re also desensitized to the danger itself because you face it every single day for 12 hours at a time.

Anyway so we all know the mindset you adopt in the military because of the danger, so to realise that an identical sense of humor has been adopted by normal people should probably tell you something very important about the amount of stress modern young folks experience in daily life.

As someone who’s been in the military, this is a solid reality. As someone who spent 6 months in a medical squadron, I can also tell you it is painfully obvious who still has self worth and thinks death is the worst possible outcome, versus those who have resigned themselves to a tolerance between breathing and not.

It really isn’t surprising that the majority of this generation has these behaviors either, given that Baby Boomers berate/motivate the generation in a similar manner to drill sergeants and also abuse the shit mentally out of them as well. 

kaijuslayer:

Let me tell you about one of my high school friends’ old Dungeons and Dragons PCs.

Olaf Olafson was your pretty straightforward Northman Barbarian type. Huge, strong, pale, red-haired and with a tremendous beard. What made Olaf special was the little things.

Despite living in a world with clerical magic, demons, and other powerful alignment-based Outsiders, Olaf was an atheist. This was because his people believed the last world had already ended and the gods went with it (basically post-Ragnarok). All that was left were ‘spirits’. Powerful spirits. Who could grant deific magic. But they weren’t gods, and you didn’t have to worship them- in fact you shouldn’t, because it would just inflate their already swollen egos.

Despite being an enormous, frightening, powerful man with dubious hygeine and a propensity for going literally berserk in combat, Olaf was a gentle fellow in towns and villages, had a deep fondness for small fluffy animals and children, and was a generous tipper.

Olaf liked to drink. Not mead, but wine. He liked to sip it. It made him feel ‘civilized’. He never drank it quickly enough to get drunk. His meals almost invariably consisted of “Wine. Meat. Cheese.” Which was what he would order in literally every tavern. They’d ask him to clarify, what sort of wine? What sort of meat? What sort of- Olaf would raise a hand and repeat, slowly, as if to a fool: “Wine. Meat. Cheese.” 

Olaf spoke broken common, more or less Hulk-speak, referred to himself in the third person almost exclusively, all that fun stuff. Then we had a story arc where I sent them up to Olaf’s homeland, where everyone spoke ‘Northman’ or whatever the hell I called it. While up there, he was incredibly fluent. Even poetic. “My brothers! I have returned from the decadent lands of the south, bearing riches and glory, and tales of great deeds!” The other players caught on and talked like a pack of movie Frankensteins, barely able to communicate in the foreign tongue.

For a long time, Olaf was the most financially stable member of the party. Because he bought a tavern in their home-base-town, hired the senior barmaid/waitress lady to be the manager, and funneled the profits back into the business. He kept his adventuring money and his tavern money separate, except when he would sometimes spend adventuring money to expand the tavern. 

 There’s not a lot to do in 3rd edition with skill ranks when you’re a barbarian, so eventually Olaf sank a point into Healing on a lark. A few sessions later, they captured an important enemy NPC, but he’d lost an arm in the fighting and was about to die. Their cleric had been captured and their NPC paladin wasn’t around, either. There was no magical healing available, and no one else had any ranks in healing. The dude was about to die, and take with him the knowledge of where their friends had been taken. Olaf- with a  single rank in Healing I remind you -offered to save his life in exchange for the location, and the guy agreed. Olaf then stuck a sword in the fire, said “Olaf see this once,” and cauterized the wound.

It worked, of course. I didn’t even make him roll. I was too busy trying not to piss myself laughing. “Olaf see this once.” Jesus Christ.

jgamer-aspie:

oodlenoodleroodle:

artykyn:

prideling:

gunvolt:

im going to have a stroke

Instead try…

Person A: You know… the thing
Person B: The “thing”?
Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD

As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:

  • Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.
  • Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he says “….Ah….. that must be a Russian one then….”
  • Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.
  • Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word “préservatifes.” Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.
  • Defined a slang term for me……. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.
  • Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said “I don’t know” and turned to me and asked “Is there an English equivalent for Нумизматический?” and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.
  • Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned “How stressful!” into “What stressing!”

Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.”

The counting thing is a really common one and happens to people from any language. Like not even counting backwards, any kind of counting or stuff to do with numbers, guaranteed to be easier in your first language and will happen faster if you just switch. 

Like if you ask me “how many are we?” and I have to count the people in the room, you bet I’ll be going “yy kaa koo nee vii kuu…” real quick and not fucking around with English.

I can attest to having done p much all of these(bilingual Dutch+English w English as second language)

jgamer-aspie:

reynardreblogs:

aspiringdoctors:

coffeeforcollege:

madamebadger:

A story that may have relevance for others, or then again, maybe not:

When I was in college, about ten or so years ago, I was a history major. I wanted to learn to dance, so I joined a swing dance club on campus. To my surprise, this club had about twice as many men as women (in high school, the last time I’d tried dancing, the ratio had gone the other way–lots of girls, and boys only that you could drag by their ears).

But apparently, there had been some kind of word spread specifically to the STEM guys that dance was a way that they could meet girls.

So anyway. I joined the swing dance club, and met a few guys. And at one point, when socializing with the guys outside of dance class, one of them asked me what my research was on. (I had already established that I was an honors history student doing a thesis, just as he had established that he was an honors… I’m not sure if he was CS or Math, but it was one of those.)

So I gave him the thumbnail sketch of my research. Now, to be clear, an honors senior thesis, while nothing like what a graduate student would do, was still fairly in-depth. I had to translate primary sources from the original late-Classical Latin. (My professor said, basically, that while there were plenty of translations of my source material, that I’d only be able to comfortably trust them if I had at least made a stab at a translation of my own. And he was right.) And there was so much secondary material, often contradictory, that I had been carefully sorting through.

But I was able to sift it into a three-sentence summary of my senior thesis work, you know, as one does.

So I gave him that summary, and then asked–since he was also an undergraduate senior doing an honors thesis–what his research was on.

“Oh,” he said, “you wouldn’t understand it.”

Reader, I went home in a frothing rage. Because I had thought we were playing one game–a game of ‘let’s talk about what we’re passionate about!’– and he had been playing another game, which was, one-upsmanship. I had done my best to give a basically understandable brief of my research–and he had used that against me. As if my research, my painstaking translation, my digging through archives and ILLs of esoteric works, my reading of ten thousand articles in Speculum (yes, the pre-eminent medievalist journal in North America is called Speculum, I’m sorry, it’s hilarious/sad but also true), and then my effort to sum it up for him, was nothing. Because his research into some kind of algorithm or other was just too complex for my tiny brain to conceive of. Because I just couldn’t possibly understand his work.

Now, the important note here is that the person I went home to was my senior year roommate. She was a graduate student–normally undergrads and graduate students couldn’t be roommates, but we’d been friends for years, and the tenured faculty-in-residence used his powers for good and permitted us to be roommates that year. Anyway. My senior year roommate was basically… in retrospect I think possibly an avatar of Athena. She was six feet tall, blonde, attractive in a muscular athletic way, a rock climber and racquetball player, sweet but sharp, extremely socially awkward, exceptionally kind even when it cost her to be kind, and an incredibly brilliant computer science major who spent most of her time working on extremely complicated mathematical algorithms. (Yes, I was a little in love with her, why do you ask? But she was as straight as a length of rope, and is now happily married, and so am I, so it worked out.)

(Still, yes, she is my mental image of Athena, to this day.)

Anyway, I came home in a frothing rage to my roommate, the Athena avatar. And I said, “He made me feel like such an idiot, that I could sum up my research to him but his research was just too smart for stupid little me.”

And she shut her book, and smiled at me, with her dark eyes and her high cheekbones and her bright hair, and said, “If he can’t explain his research to you, then he’s not nearly as smart as he thinks he is.”

Now I hesitated, because I’d be in college long enough to have sort of bought into the ridiculous idea that if you couldn’t dazzle them with your brilliance, you should baffle them with your bullshit. But she said, “Look, I’ve been doing work on computer science algorithms that have significantly complicated mathematical underpinnings. What do I do?”

And I said, “Genetic algorithms–that is, self-optimizing algorithms–for prioritization, specifically for scheduling.”

“Right,” she said. “You couldn’t code them because you’re not a computer scientist or a mathematician. But you can understand what I do. If someone can’t explain it like that, it isn’t a problem with you as a person. It’s a problem with them. They either don’t understand it as well as they think they do–or they want to make you feel inferior. And neither is a positive thing.”

So. There.

If you are looking into something and have a question, and someone treats you like an idiot for not understanding right away… here is what I have to say: maybe it isn’t you who is the idiot.

ATTN: ALL COLLEGE STUDENTS EVERYWHERE PLS READ

HEED ATHENA AVATAR’S WORDS BBCAKES EVERYWHERE.

As an academic working in academia: this this this. Never buy into the elitist bullcrap of ‘oh, you wouldn’t understand.’ And never perpetuate that crap yourself, either out of pretension or even simple laziness. If you can’t explain it to a ten-year-old, go back and hit the books again cause you’re not there yet.

I _love_ explaining my research to ppl with next to no technical background. Getting to the point where you can explain a very complicated subject to someone outside your field is amazing.

say-that:

titleknown:

fromthemindofatwentyorotherlycan:

fattyatomicmutant:

I love Dungeons and Dragons prestige classes like there’s a kind of Blood Mage that has the power to teleport by CRAMMING THEMSELVES INTO SOMEBODYS WOUND EVEN A PAPERCUT WILL DO AND POP OUT OF SOMEBODY ELSES WOUND THATS THE SAME BLOOD TYPE REGARDLESS OF DISTANCE.

Can you imagine it you get a PAPERCUT and some some unkempt wizard just stumbles out of it?

No but you’re missing the best part of that class they can LITERALLY MAKE YOU EXPLODE by popping out of you like say the big bad is the same blood type as one of your buddies you can just be like “hey fred give yourself a small cut on yer arm” and fred can and then you just cram yourself into fred’s arm and fucking six seconds later then bigbad just fucking EXPLODES IN A SHOWER OF BLOOD AND GORE AS YOU POP OUT OF THEM BEING ALL “SUPRISE MUTHERFUCKER BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT COMING”

There’s also

  • The Acolyte Of The Skin; who replaces his entire skin with a
    demon. Like, a whole fucking demon.
  • The Green Star Adept who just fucking eats a whole bunch of
    fucking expensive space-metal to turn himself into space-metal; just
    shoves it all in his facehole.
  • The Squire of Legend; which is literally a class training to be
    the best second-banana to the actual heroes you can be.
  • The Ghost-Faced Killer, an actual fucking prestige class named
    after a Wu-Tang Clan member
  • The Vigilante, a class notable for the main fact that its sample
    character is a fucking hobbit-Batman named fucking Beasley Biggums
  • The Rage Mage, who improves her spellcasting by getting really
    fucking angry.
  • The Flayerspawn Psychic, who is a psychic who gets their powers
    from having a Mind Flayer (IE, those squid-headed guys) in their
    family tree, despite the fact that Mind Flayer reproduction involves
    a worm eating your brain from the inside out and using your body as a
    host, which is one of the many reasons the book it comes from is
    considered one of the worst in 3.5E
  • The Vassal of Bahamut; who literally has a class feature of “gets
    a shit-ton of money” at certain levels
  • The Impure Prince, who fights Lovecraftian abominations by turning
    herself into a Lovecraftian
    abomination, which seems both ill-advised and severely
    badass
    at the same time.
  • The Master of Masks; which allows you to make Majora’s
    Mask-style masks that give you various powers and is actually
    legit-cool fluff-wise despite actually being not-very-good gameplay
    wise
  • The Thrall Of Orcus; whose requirements bizarrely specify doing a
    dark ritual “atop an altar made of at least thirty skulls.”
  • The Lord of Tides; which specialises in getting water in the
    desert and has an ability that allows you to extract water forcibly
    from a person Tank Girl-style. And if you kill somebody with it, the
    water turns into a magical water imp for about a minute!
  • The Divine Prankster, who plays April Fools-style practical jokes
    in the name of the Gods and literally has an ability that’s pretty
    much the World’s Deadliest Joke from that one Monty Python sketch.
  • The Primeval, who literally slowly becomes a fucking Caveman as
    she gains levels and has the ability to turn into prehistoric
    megafauna as one of its primary class features.
  • The Cancer Mage, who can literally turn into a flying disease at
    its highest level, has a sentient tumor as a familiar; can make armor
    out of garbage, and is actually-pretty-terrible gameplay-wise unless
    you get the right diseases; in which case it becomes unspeakably
    broken
  • The Ashworm Dragoon; which is pretty much a literal specialized
    Sandworm-rider class. SHAI HULUUD!
  • The Renegade Mastermaker, who is literally a magical cyborg
    dedicated to physically emulating a specific player race of magical
    robots (Yes, D&D has that), who has a magic cyborg arm called a
    BATTLEFIST as a class feature.
  • The Risen Martyr who is literally Jesus-come-back-from-the-dead as
    a prestige class.

D&D is amaaaaaaaazing…

tag urself im the rage mage