This 100% was me at the zoo. Don’t touch Melon, he’s mean. Okay, but I have to touch Bob to make him get his stupid emu head out of my shirt, so what if I also touch Melon until he likes it?
Sephiroth is angery because he has one wing and sometimes attacks people? I want to pet him also. Also he won’t get off the rock I have to clean anyway, surely a little pets on the good side will be fine.
Martha and Stewart are assholes that tag-team while the pond is filling? I bet I could CUDDLE THEM.
The female deer will excitedly nuzzle you in the stomach for feeding them. This is fine, because they don’t have antlers. The male deer is locked up while we’re putting out food because he will gouge you to death with his little nubby asymmetrical horns, because he thinks the females are doing it.
The entire monkey enclosure will eat your fingers for a single fruit loop. They also have the smallest arms and can reach through holes they’ve made in the tarp on the gate to their enclosure. Do not hold hands with the monkeys. (2nd gen old man monkey will also pee on the keepers that don’t give him fruit loops. He is a jerk.)
The rehabilitated bear that still sits like she’s on a couch because she did that when she was living in a crack house? Yes, she looks chill. Yes, she looks The Softest. No, do not pet her back through the fence. No, do not go into the corridor and try to offer treats for pets.
Big Mac does not know he will break your ribs, but YOU know he will break your ribs. Do not enter Big Mac’s enclosure no matter how much he chuffs and displays his belly and rubs on the cage and looks sad. Yes, he genuinely wants pets. Yes, Pinkie is deliberately getting pets where he can see it as a sign of dominance even though she’s a housecat and he could eat her in approximately one bite.
The turtle is mean. Period. He is an old man and he does not like you. He does not like the parrot getting fries and he does not like that he is in a kiddie pool to warm up because his enclosure lost power, and he does not like you behind him preparing food for the owls and raptors. Petting him will not help this. He will rock back and forth and mean mug you forever because he is a grumpy old man.
All of the rabbits need more handling on principle. They don’t know you and they are very distressed that you’re taking their poop away. They can learn, a little, kind of. The guinea pig is insane and will not learn. Do not pet the guinea pig.
this post is gathering some highly blessed zoo stories i love it! thank you
as biologist, can confirm
brain: that frog is very small me: well spotted, brain brain: put smol frog in mouth me: no!
brain: that lynx…looks so fluffy… me: it does brain: we should pet it. me: it’s awake and angry so no.
brain: baaaaby bunny. me: yup. brain: baby bunny goes in pocket me: nooo it doesn’t.
This chart is for disaster individuals and disaster individuals alone, if you do your laundry in a timely manner and can easily talk to waiters don’t interact
This is a way bigger problem than people seem to realize, and sales reps for cable companies will set up an account in a child’s name knowing full well they’re under 18. Just to get a sale.
Every cable company has a fraud department, if this happened to you call customer service for the company your account was opened with and file a complaint. They are required by law to expunge the debt.
I will always reblog this shit when I see it. Why? Because this happened to me when I first moved out on my own and would have ruined my life if I didn’t have supportive friends and roommates with better credit scores. My mom ran up a ton of bills in my name and got a hold of an unused checkbook of mine, writing checks on an account I never touched anymore. I moved out on my own and found I had a credit score in the 300s and tons of debt. I was already homeless at the time; luckily I was moving into an apartment with a friend with a much higher credit score and enough money in savings to cover the subsequent security deposits, trusting me to pay her back since she knew me already and knew I had a job.
How to fix this:
1. Cut that asshole out of your life. You don’t need someone who doesn’t give a shit that they’ve ruined your adult life. If they say they’re sorry, let’s be real – they’re probably not. They’re just fucking sorry they got caught. Fuck them.
2. Pull a yearly credit report (for free at annualcreditreport.com) and consider paying out the money to lock down your credit so people need to get approval before opening a new line of credit in your name.
3. Write the companies for more information on the debt and to dispute it, letting them know that it’s an identity theft issue. If you were underage at the time, they will need some sort of proof but they will have to remove it. Do all of this via Certified Mail with Return Receipt. Keep all documentation including copies of letters, tracking numbers, etc. well organized. I recommend scanning everything as well and saving copies onto some sort of cloud storage just in case anything happens to your physical copies (but definitely keep those physical copies as well, *at least* for eleven years after disputing. Sometimes those debts sneak back on there two or three years later. Sometimes you have to get lawyers involved if any of those companies take you to court. Lawyers will want physical copies of your physical copies if possible.)
4. Report it to the police and FTC (for the Americans in the crowd.) If you’ve moved out of the same county/state that your parent lives in or that you lived in at the time, this may get tricky af. If the local police department is overloaded and understaffed, they’ll try to push you off to another county. Be patient and persistent. File in as many places as you can. Yes, identity theft is a crime. There is a chance that your parent will be arrested, particularly if they have priors. You’ve got to be prepared to do what you have to do. A lot of times it does go unpunished though. I know in my case it did. My mom continues to do this with others in her life. The police have done nothing and she’s not learned her lesson at all. At least my credit score is mostly fixed though. You can access the FTC’s identity theft information here: https://www.identitytheft.gov/
5. If you’ve been taken to court on anything, you will need to get a lawyer. If you’re low income, check with the local or state bar association to see what options you have for a free or discounted legal service. If you are a college student, even part time, you may have access to free legal services through your college. If you have to pay to hire an attorney, it is worth the cost to dispute it. Depending on how much debt it is and what state it occurred in, you could be stuck with that for 20 years. There’s also a chance that they can take anything you own (like your car) to cover that debt if you live in the same state. Get it cleared out. You do not want your life to be a total fucking disaster all the way into your late 30s/early 40s. (And trust me – if you don’t get your credit cleared up, it will be. You will be disqualified from certain jobs – even some retail positions! You will struggle to get housing. Everything you do that involves credit will cost more money – turning on electricity, getting an apartment, getting your own cell phone account, buying a car, getting vehicle or renters insurance…
Until everything is fixed, there is definitely a feeling that the entire world is out to get you and that you will never get caught up. Please stay on top of this and get that shit straightened out.
I’m not a lawyer so my info only comes from my own personal experience and not any sort of actual training in this. However, if anyone is going through this and ever wants to talk to someone who has been there before, feel free to hit me up. Again, not a lawyer so can’t really give legal advice but am always happy to give support and remind you to drop toxic people from your life, no matter who they are or how they’re related to you.
Update: Legolas’ pupils are about 3.5 cm wide each. Now drawing kawaii Legolas on physics assignment.
And they told you science was no fun.
Science!
I’m going to do it. I’m going to hand it in.
Legolas’s pupil size isn’t the problem here, though. 5 leagues is 17.262 miles. The curvature of the Earth means that for a person of average height, the visual horizon is less than three miles away. Even if your vision is telescopic and the atmosphere is perfectly clear, you can’t see around the planet. If they were standing on a hill, it would have to be at LEAST 198 feet above sea level in order to see the horizon at 17.2 miles away, with nothing tall in between. Which, knowing Rohan, isn’t impossible.
But consider: Elven satellite eyeballs.
you mean like
@sidereanuncia it’s back, the post that I can only imagine haunts your nightmares
I shall never find peace.
Also, for what it’s worth, there’s absolutely no reason to believe that the curvature of Middle Earth is the same as that of Earth.
There’s no evidence that Middle Earth curves.
Yeah there is. The Silmarillion states that the world was curved after the fall of Numenor (I believe), preventing access to Valinor. But Elves (among others) can travel the straight path across it.
So middle earth is round, but not for Elves because magic.
So wait, the reason he can see that far is because Elves just have the ability to ignore the curve of the earth? That’s awesome. It also means that no matter how good your optics got, you would always want elf eyes manning the spyglass because they can see arbitrarily far while everybody else is limited by this ‘horizon’ bullshit.
Oh thank God, my poor elf prince has seen too much in this post
Elves are flat-earthers
This post went from amusing to horrifying, to be brought back down to amusing, sprinkled in with some cannon explanation, and then you leave me here in fucking outrage
Terfs: wombyn are their ovaries!!! Ovaries make a wombybybynnn. Accept that u are a womynbdgnn you have ovaries !!!!
Me, a trans man on the danger list for ovarian cancer and is going to get them removed in the distant or near future:
not for long
You’re still female whether you have ovaries or not lmao
You heard it here first folks!! Females are females regardless of whether or not they have ovaries, so trans women are women regardless of their lack them. Well said 🙂
You played yourself like a damn fiddle, fool
i love watching terfs run circles around their own logic:
“you need ovaries to be a wombyn!!!”
transman: guess who got that shit removed I’m a Real Boy™ now
“nO not like that you still have a uterus that makes you female!!!”
ciswoman who’s had a complete hysterectomy: guess i’m not a woman then
“tHAT”S NOT WHAT I MEANT if you have a vagina/vulva you’re female!!!”
transwoman who’s had bottom surgery: oooh i’ve got one of those does that mean i’m a Real Girl™ now??”
“NO YOU DON’T HAVE OVARIES OR A UTERUS”
literally everyone except terfs: *squints*
i especially love to person in the notes who brought up needing to have “female muscle/fat distribution patterns” like I have some incredible news for you about exactly what Hormone Replacement Therapy does…
here’s a definitive and totally subjective rating of davids
donatello: 3/10 honestly pretty embarrassing, but worth a mention. just your run-of-the-mill, oh-you-haven’t-heard-we’re-copying-classical-greek-sculpture-now david. stiff, awkward, and pretty dopey looking twunk. has the same expression of someone being told dona-fucking-tello sculpted this. can’t even hold his slingshot bc it’s too gay. don’t worry there’s a redemption arc on its way.
donatello pt 2: 9/10 fucking superb you funky little gay man. total glow up. a complete deviation from the norm by a well-known deviant. takes contrapposto to sultry new heights. look at this lad’s little hat and boots he’s not a nude he’s just naked. some people say goliath’s head is modeled off of donatello himself literally he was horny enough he said “step on me” in full fucking bronze. goliath’s helmet has little gay greek reliefs on it, not even remotely subtle. look at the feather going up his thigh and tell me u didn’t cross your legs when you did. commissioned by the medici for their palace, which makes it even cooler by association.
verocchio: 8/10 ily baby a perfectly fine lad, looking at him makes me smile. his little dress is so cute with its stylized arabic psuedo-script border, and the floral pasties? adorable. something about goliath’s head feels a little disjointed, but you know what? fuck him. he’s not important. david’s the real star here in his little cheerleader get up. what really makes me biased towards this one is that the model was supposedly verocchio’s star student, the young leonardo da vinci. and look how fucking radiant he is! love it.
michelangelo: 7/10 technically this thing’s great. look at the fucking veins on the hand that’s absolutely mental. but all in all it lacks the overtly homosexual intrigue of some other davids and, frankly, i expected more from well-documented gay disaster michelangelo. obviously a classic but also makes it prone to being too over-saturated. i do love his yaoi hands though.
bernini: 11/10 the man the myth the fucking legend! bernini always delivers and this david’s no expception. look at that movement! the drama! the whole thing screams baroque in the best possible way with the dynamism, the momentary narrative, that cute lil scrunched up face. only complaint is that it isn’t as good as some of bernini’s other work but i’m willing to let it go for the detailing on the fucking rope goddamn gian lorenzo you absolute madman. we stan a sculpting legend.
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