Some apologies amount to someone asking for permission to keep doing something bad.
These apologies generally shouldn’t be accepted.
(But it can be really hard not to, because who want permission to do bad things tend to lash out when they don’t get it.)
(If you have to accept a bad apology to protect yourself, it’s not your fault.)
Eg:
Moe: “I’m sorry, I know this is my privileged male opinion talking but…”
Or, Moe: “I’m sorry, I know I’m kind of a creeper…” or “I’m sorry, I know I’m standing too close but…”
At this point, Sarah may feel pressured to say “It’s ok.”
If Sarah says, “Actually, it’s not ok. Please back off” or “Yes, you’re mansplaining, please knock it off”, Moe is likely to get angry.
The thing is, it’s not ok, and Moe has no intention of stopping.
Moe is just apologizing in order to feel ok about doing something he knows is wrong.
Another example:
Sam is a wheelchair user. He’s trying to get through a door.
Mary sees him and decides that he needs help.
Mary rushes to open the door. As she does so, she says “Oh, sorry, I know I’m supposed to ask first”, with an expectant pause.
At this point, Sam may feel pressured to say “It’s ok”, even if the ‘help’ is unwanted and unhelpful.
If Sam says, “Yes, you should have asked first. You’re in my way. Please move”, Mary is likely to get angry and say “I was just trying to help!”.
In this situation, Mary wasn’t really apologizing. She was asking Sam to give her permission to do something she knows is wrong.
More generally:
Fake Apologizer: *does something they know the other person will object to*.
Fake Apologizer: “Oh, I’m sorry. I know I’m doing The Bad Thing…” or “I guess you’re going to be mad if I…”
Fake Apologizer: *expectant pause*
The Target is then supposed to feel pressured to say something like “That’s ok”, or “I know you mean well”, or “You’re a good person, so it’s ok for you to do The Bad Thing.”
If the Target doesn’t respond by giving the Fake Apologizer permission/validation, the Fake Apologizer will often lash out. This sometimes escalates in stages, along the lines of:
Fake Apologizer: I *said* I was sorry!
Fake Apologizer: *expectant pause*
The Target is then supposed to feel pressure to be grateful to the Fake Apologizer for apologizing, and then as a reward, give them permission to do The Bad Thing. (Or apologize for not letting them do The Bad Thing.)
If the Target doesn’t respond in the way the Fake Apologizer wants, they will often escalate to intense personal insults, or even overt threats, eg:
Fake Apologizer: I guess you’re just too bitter and broken inside to accept my good intentions. I hope you get the help you need. And/or:
Fake Apologizer: Ok, fine. I’ll never try to do anything for you ever again. And/or
Fake Apologizer: *storms off, and slams the door in a way that causes the person who refused their intrusive help to fall over*.
Tl;dr Sometimes what looks like an apology is really a manipulative demand for validation and permission to do something bad.
I love that disability was brought up here because I cannot tell you the number of fake apologizers I encounter almost every single day, sometimes multiple times in one day just walking around as a blind person.
“i would infodump to you but i don’t want to bother :(”
you fool. i would love to hear about your special interests because they make you happy and i would enjoy sharing things that bring you joy. infodump me until i die.
In German, the translation for birth control pill is antibabypille.
In Switzerland there is a pregnancy test called Maybe Baby available in vending machines.
And some Welsh folks call their microwave a Poppity-Ping… which has nothing to do with pregnancy products, but it was also in the reddit thread I was researching and too adorable not to include here.
You’re about to have a whole bunch of Welsh people in your inbox, my dude.
I swear to fucking god, it is bad enough having that stupid fucking “popty ping” lie around, but now apparently people aren’t even spelling the only correct and accurate Welsh word in it right. I can 100% assure you that literally no person on this entire planet has ever referred to a microwave as a ‘poppity-ping’.
Can people please stop being condescending fucks towards an endangered language and culture, thanks
Sorry about that. The person in the thread claimed to be Welsh and the first few google entries seemed to confirm it. Looking again, I think I might have mistaken urban dictionary for an actual dictionary. So that’s my bad. The third entry was from a Welsh website but it looks like it was actually just a clickbait post. I was tired and had taken a lunesta to help me sleep. It really did seem legit at the time when I was chasing that magic sleep butterfly.
It looks like popty microdon might be a thing, but not ping. I can assure you that I had no intention of being condescending or insulting. I thought it was a funny language thing. Like how in America some folks call a turtle a cooter. And that we have an actual cooter festival. Which some people get disappointed about when they realize it is about turtles. Though I’m not sure why, cuz turtles are pretty cool. Okay, I am digressing big time here.
Again, I am sorry. Joking aside, I really am. I had no idea. I love the Welsh. You made my favorite dog. I’d ask that you forgive my error, but if you want to yell at me some more, that’s fine too. I’ve let the internet trick me twice in the past few weeks and I am usually not easily duped. I’m not sure what is going on with me. Hopefully I can do better in the future.
Sigh. I was actually just coming back to this to apologise to you – that one hit a nerve today, but that’s not your fault, and given how widespread the whole popty ping myth is, I’m not surprised you were taken in.
So, to clarify: the word “popty” is real, but it means ‘oven’. Literally, it means ‘baking house’ (from pob + tŷ), because something that is true of Welsh is that we think any building is a house, apparently, even if it’s a three-foot square box. The actually word for ‘microwave’, which real Welsh speakers will actually use, is “meicrodon”, which is roughly pronounced Make-roh-don with a rolled r, and sounds like a dinosaur.
‘Popty ping’ means ‘ping oven’, and is used as often – and in the same context – as an English speaker would use the phrase ‘ping oven’, i.e. it’s not unless someone might decide with a child to use a funny name. A quick analogy I can think of, actually, might be ‘moo cow’ instead of ‘bull’. You might use it with a child if you were being saccharine and overly cutsie, but you wouldn’t say that the English word for a bull was a ‘moo cow’.
And the problem that comes in is that there is a whoooooolle country of people next door to us (hi, England) full of avowed monoglots who variously either view Welsh-speakers in patronising, head-patting terms OR as a hated reminder that they didn’t, in fact, manage to conquer us completely, and both groups are, for whatever reason, very invested in spreading the idea that the Welsh language is a thing of ridicule with its fake, childish words. The idea that Welsh doesn’t have any words for modern things (as popularised by Decaying Harridan Janet Street Porter, who told the world that we don’t have a word for ‘television’ and trades off having a Welsh mam for validity in her crusade) is actively dangerous to us, because it encourages the idea that Welsh is not endangered, but dying, and a millstone holding us back.
It’s also, by this point, so pervasive that non-Welsh speaking Welsh people have absorbed it and will happily spread it, which seems to be what you fell prey to here. It’s really not your fault, so I am sorry I snapped. Bad day, but that’s not on you.
To make amends, here is a picture I drew of a corgi made into a Pokemon (I’m guessing that’s your favourite dog)
No amends necessary, but I do appreciate it nonetheless. And I appreciate you being understanding of my mistake. So, it’s all good. No worries.
Also I am grateful for the detailed information about the Welsh language. Before this all I really knew about was a lengthy road sign. This put things in a much better perspective and I actually learned a lot. Thanks for that.
And, yes, the corgi is my favorite dog. That is an awesome pokecorg drawing. I’m not sure you realize how much of a peace offering that actually is for me.
You see, I love corgis so much that I decided to raise my very own stumpy mischief maker from a tiny pup.
Meet Otis the Corgi!
I LOVE HIM TELL HIM I LOVE HIM
Hey, you probably already know this, but did you know that in Welsh folklore corgis (or corgwn, to use the Welsh plural) were the chosen steeds of fairy warriors?
I will relay the message of love to Otis.
And I actually did know about the fairy warriors and their stumpy steeds. In fact, when I helped a kickstarter for an art book get funded, they drew me as an honorary fairy warrior complete with corgwn mount.
Hey in case anyone missed it this is a great thread.
I just showed up to my buddy’s house for our weekly D&D Night, and he pulled out this awesome creation that he built.
After we roll for Initiative, we each put on our clothespin to remember the order of our turns. I was so immediately impressed that I asked him if I could snap a pic and share with the rest of you. He graciously agreed.
I’ve been telling everyone I know for YEARS not to buy Blue Buffalo.
This is the short story:
A few years ago I took my sick cat, Ankh, to the vet. The vet and vet tech asked what I fed her. I told them Blue Buffalo. They looked like I had just told them I fed her razor blades and cyanide. They diagnosed her with pancreatitis and said that nearly all of the cats they’d been seeing lately with pancreatitis were being fed Blue Buffalo. They gave her medicine and sent her home. Two days later she had a seizure and died right in my arms.
The day after she died Hannibal started displaying the same symptoms she had so I panicked hard and took him to the vet. Got the same meds and the same diagnosis. Luckily Hannibal survived.
I wish Ankh had survived. She was only ten and the best cat I’ve ever had. Literally the best and five years later I still cry when I think about her.
FUCK BLUE BUFFALO.
I don’t know the full story behind the tweets above, but a Google search shows there HAVE been several recalls regarding this brand, especially in 2016. I would absolutely avoid as it is not worth the risk.
Good god thank you so much for sharing this because I’ve lately been considering switching to this brand cus it’s supposed to be so much better than all the others but good god what the hell.
I worked in a vet for a little while and I shit you not, when a dog came in with constant diarrhea they were always eating Blue Buffalo. We changed the food and the dog got better every time. Blue Buffalo is garbage food and never feed it to your pets.
I’ve never heard of this brand but I love my dog with all of my heart and I’d be broken if I ever accidently fed her this and got her sick (people give me different dog food to try all the time). I’d hate for anyone else to lose their pet also.
um?? what the fuck? holy FUCK my boyfriend and I were just about to start feeding our cat blue buffalo omg
Wft really?? Im never going to buy that killer food!! Praying for your pets!
I’m so glad I know this, I’d be heartbroken if my dog died
at the end of august, me, my fiancee, and a couple friends moved into a new apartment. at the time, one of my roommates had a really well paying job that she could do from home, and even though it sucked, it paid the bills. i got a job only this past november/december, and my fiancee is still hunting.
but the well paying job has all but fallen to pieces. that roommate only works 15 minute shifts maybe 4 days out of the week now, because her boss is horrible, and we can’t pay rent on my paycheck alone, much less pay for groceries and much needed medications.
we all have depression and generalized anxiety to some degree, but one of us is physically disabled (the roomie with the bum job mentioned above), and two are not emotionally or mentally well enough to work at the moment. and unless my fiancee and roomie can find jobs before the middle of january, we aren’t going to be able to pay february’s rent. two out of the five of us are able to return to their parents home, but myself, the fiancee, and the last roommate will be homeless if we can’t afford this place.
so please, i know it’s just after christmas and many of you are hurting for cash as well, but if you can donate even a dollar to my paypal or ko-fi, i would much appreciate it. even better, if you live in the tumwater/olympia area of washington, please pass on any job openings that you know of!! something that can be done remotely is ideal, but even if it’s retail that can give my roommate accommodations, it would help!!!
right now my fiancee and i are looking into low income housing, but even if we find something it will mean the last roommate, who is still only 18, will have nowhere to go. and even then, many low income places have wait lists. my queue is still half full, but i also take commissions, so if you’d like to get some art out of it then that can be arranged!! just pm me and we can talk shop.
and if you cannot personally donate, please reblog this, share it to your social media, ask friends. getting lots of visibility to our situation is the next biggest help we can get after the money itself.
thank you all so much for reading, and keep your fingers crossed for us! i have faith if we can get past february, then we will be on the right track.
Just in case anyone can’t click the links cause tumblr sometimes eats formatting:
Shisui wakes up on a beach in agony, every muscle screaming at him, his eye is missing, dried blood still splattered around the socket and with no memory of how he got there. He knows his name, he knows who is mother and father was, but there’s a giant gaping hole of nothing else in his head.
Shisui hasn’t had an easy day his entire life, so of course, there’s no one on the little island he’s stranded on. Of course, he’s in the middle of the ocean. Of course, he’s the only living thing on the island.
Shisui can barely sit up let along do anything of use that might help him get the hell off the island. Shisui is tired. He’s missing an eye and he hurts so much it’s hard to think.
So, he lays back down, feels the sand under his skin and closes his eyes.
He doesn’t expect to open them again.
So when he does open them again, with scraps of distorted memories floating in his head and the image of a man tearing his eye right from his face and a strange man leaning over him, understandably, Shisui panics.
But Shisui hasn’t regained his strength overnight. He gets as far as the corner of the tiny room, his empty eye socket burns and he can barely breathe.
The strange man – with scarring covering the right side of his face and missing his left eye – doesn’t approach and instead raises his arms in surrender just as someone barges through the door.
The next thing Shisui knows he’s sitting on the ground with his head between his legs and a hand rubbing his back urging him to breathe.
Shisui is confused, in pain and tries to answer the man’s questions as best as he can as he slowly realises he’s on a boat and that sets some deep instinctual fear in him of danger, pain and he wants to run and run and not stop but the strange woman holds him down.
It takes weeks of careful words and gentle touches for Shisui to believe they mean no harm, and even longer to convince him they want to help. Shisui’s never had people to look out for him before, but it’s a change Shisui wants to welcome, even if his instincts keep telling him to run.
Obito and Sakura are pirates, but they’ve always had a bad habit of picking up strays, but this one might be related to Obito, who’s been on a mission to find the scattered remains of his family, and someone hurt Obito’s family enough that it’s taken both Obito and Sakura far too long to get him to calm down enough to even look at them.
Obito has always been bad at minding his own business, but this one could be kin, and Obito’s going to find the bastard that did this to Shisui even if it kills him.
(or that AU where Danzou attacked Shisui on his own ship, tore out his eye, killed his crew and threw Shisui into the water because Shisui was gaining too much power. Obito takes him in because he has no impulse control and ex-soldier Sakura punches anyone who tries to hurt Shisui or Obito and is the only one with common sense.)
backup blogging platform 