@thecrackening // @blackkatmagic for putting that AU in my head.
So basically, in this AU, Obito is completely horrified to have killed Minato and gets out with baby!Ruto, and there were talk of Kisame adopting Naruto lmao.
Naruto’s terrible two were an awful time in the Akatsuki. It’s been exactly 48 hours since Obito last slept, he wants it to stop now.
(or baby Naruto napping with his two dads, as I call it)
(first part of this AU is there.)
So I want to preface that it’s @thecrackening ‘s collective fault that I did that.
(yes I know I’m including myself in that, I’m my own worst enabler tbH)So it began with the talk with @blackkatmagic of Obito adopting Naruto. Of course, one wonderful (or many tbh I can’t remember who came up with that but hmu u terrible person i luv u) anon started talking about dad!Kisame to baby!Naruto.
and I… umm… this is a wonderful idea ok and Samehada is v happy to keep an eye on Tiny!rutohope u enjoy my crappy sketch 💖
they grow long so fast
When the most infamous group of S-class missing-nin have the majority of their members from (or taught by someone from) the same village you *know* all the other Villages are giving Konoha some serious side-eye. What is their problem with the most infamous disloyal ninja coming from the ‘most loyal, friendship-based’ Village? Hypocrites much. (As an aside, it’s 50/50 whether Orochimaru left of his own accord or was booted out for being so extra/trollish/not-a-team-player. He’s proud of it.)
I…honestly had not thought about it before, but you’re completely correct. It probably says a lot about how poorly Hashirama’s morals and framework for the village mesh with actual shinobi work that so many people end up deserting.
make a joke about Oro being feminine ending with “But at least you can’t get pregnant, that would give me nightmares.” There and then Oro’s like, ‘fuck you I can do what I want and I’ll get pregnant. See you in your nightmares.’ No more than a year later Oro shows up smug as fuck and says “I’m pregnant.” Tsunade scans him three times, promptly beats up Jiraiya because by now Oro explained it was Jiraiya’s fault (“But he’s not the father of my child!”) and gone to drink away the day. Actually she’s baby shopping because she’s going to be an aunty! *Sarutobi* gets drunk. Probably because, for some reason, I’m imagining this happening to Oro in his late teens/early twenties as that’s the exact mindset of cutting off the nose to spite the face. Except the Sannin have existed in that mindset since they were six and will until they die. Point is, Oro’s flexible in all ways and is more than spiteful enough to violate laws of nature because a friend said/bet he couldn’t.
Oh god. Same with the mpreg, but I could absolutely see this. Orochimaru’s motivations are curiosity and spite in equal measure, and it would be so hilariously in character I’m dying.
Part of me is very fascinated with the idea of mmo rping that’s this complex/multi-layered and the other part of me is concerned that this person dedicated the time to do something this Fucked Up
familiar au: in which Nina gets to grow up, too, and Ed searches diligently for a way to fix everything. you deserved better, and this time Ed makes sure you get it.
OH MY GOD WHY WOULD U DO THIS
Some things don’t need the thought people give them
yeah but i like making people cry, so
*headdesk*
NO DON’T YOU DARE DO THIS TO ME I REFUSE.
D:
– Born an Old Soul.
– And then compounded, because being Izuna’s main guard has aged him before his time.
– No, really, Hikaku wants to know who he killed in a past life to deserve this. It must have been a saint. He is In Hell.
– Carries a spear. Frequently uses it to hit idiots over the head.
– This is not as satisfying as stabbing them would be, but at this point if he started stabbing people he just. Wouldn’t stop.
– The eldest of three, with two younger sisters. Very good at braiding hair and playing dress-up.
– Izuna made a comment on this once and was promptly made to babysit. Never commented again.
– Has a lowkey crush on Touka (though really, who wouldn’t).
– Pretends to be above making an idiot out of himself in front of strong pretty people.
– Is not.
– Is really not.
– Looks like the Sensible One and mostly is, but has a competitive streak.
– Has a competitive streak to the point where he would totally kiss Hashirama for a dare.
– Would probably even kiss Izuna for a dare, though he’d want to wash his mouth out afterwards. What if the stupidity is catching?
– Wears the good luck charms his sisters give him no matter what.
– Anyone who comments really does get stabbed.
– Yes, even Izuna.
– At this point he has fond fantasies of stabbing Izuna so he’ll be removed from his guard.
– (This won’t happen. Madara’s never found anyone else patient enough to put up with Izuna for more than four hours straight. If Hikaku stabbed Izuna Madara would probably just accept it.)
– Is very Aggrieved over the fact that all the Senju are so powerful and attractive. This includes Mito. He is highkey crushing on Mito and In Despair.
– Strongly Regrets being related to Kagami what did he do to deserve this.
– Too Good For This World, Too Pure but also + lowkey homicidal tendencies (he’s an Uchiha, okay, it’s standard).
– Someone save him, please.
– For the record, Jiraiya said Sakumo can you keep an eye on the bastard while I’m on my mission, not Sakumo take him home and marry him.
– Jiraiya would like to make that very clear, okay.
– It probably would have been fine, except Sakumo caught Orochimaru in the garden and he looked So Pretty and then there were assassins and he was So Deadly.
– Sakumo is only human, he cannot be blamed for thinking Orochimaru is is the prettiest thing ever.
– Of course he had to snatch him up immediately, there might have been competition.
– Orochimaru is Confused, but this is no stranger than Jiraiya’s courting rituals, so.
– (Tsunade takes to beating Jiraiya over the head when she hears. This is absolutely His Fault.)
– Sakumo’s biggest obstacle comes from the Namikaze boy and the Uzumaki girl. Thankfully they’re so busy trying to outdo each other than Sakumo can easily trip them up and take the win for himself.
– Orochimaru allows it, mostly because Smug looks good on Sakumo and it’s kind of cute.
– Kakashi finds himself with a genius step-parent who will gladly teach him any jutsu he wants without the safety lectures.
– He approves.
– Sakumo expected to be the cuddler in this relationship. He was proved incorrect the first time he woke up with Orochimaru wrapped around him like a python.
– (Jiriaya side-eyes him when Sakumo tries to wax poetic about how cute Orochimaru is. There are a lot or repeated questions about whether he’s hit his head recently.)
– Tsunade wants No Part In This, all right?
– Sakumo doesn’t bring flowers for their first date, he brings poisons.
– Clearly this is True Love.
– Orochimaru makes him a sword. And, once they’re married, sons.
– Not the traditional way, because that’s Boring.
– Sakumo is baffled but pleased.
– (There is a new hole in the wall of Jiraiya’s apartment the shape of his head. He spends the week after the announcement staking out different corners of Konoha bars, and can be heard muttering if any two people deserve each other oh my gods AND NOW THEY’RE REPRODUCING.)
– Tsunade thinks it’s cute.
– She’s totally the godmother.
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