adramofpoison:

dondaario:

so if in the soulmate au the very first words your soulmate ever says to you are tattooed somewhere on your body since the day you are born imagine having something like ‘man I cant believe dumbledore died’ tattooed on you. imagine being spoiled for a book series that doesnt even exist yet. imagine worrying about this dumbledore guy your whole childhood while not knowing who he is. imagine knowing dumbledore dies before jk rowling even thinks about it.

Everybody go home, this is my favorite soulmate au

Fanfic Author Gothic

raceofhearts:

fabusina:

thebibliosphere:

bibliotecaria-d:

-You always have ideas. When you open a document, they disappear.

-You have a file full of ideas. It is lost. You open all your files and find hints of ideas mixed in between the lines. None of them connect. You follow them forever, deeper into the folders, until you can’t remember what you were looking for anymore. You end up reading fanfic until 4 AM.

-You’re not a torturer by profession. It’s merely a hobby. The sadism is a natural skill.

-Your fingers and wrists hurt from typing when you’re on a roll. You swear you’re not a masochist, but it hurts so good.

-Readers accuse you of causing them pain. You say you’re sorry, but you’re not. You comfort them while not-so-subtly digging for what caused them the most harm, eager to repeat the trick.

-Your friends enable you and laugh at your yelling. When you blame them, they claim they didn’t do anything. They never do anything. You no longer remember who started it, only that you’re halfway through the fic and still writing.

-You have a WIP. You swear you’re going to finish it next. It’s always next. There’s always another fic that has to be written first.

-Anonymous messages are sent to you, asking you not to acknowledge them publically. You know if you answer they’ll disappear from your inbox. Tumblr has eaten the Ask. Was it ever there in the first place?

-Someone comments on your fic. You have no idea who they are, but their username looks familiar. Every username looks familiar. You think you know them. They know you. It’s flattering, but you can’t shake the feeling that you should be alarmed by your poor memory.

-You reblog a writing prompt meme. It’s the same meme you reblogged yesterday. There are symbols instead of numbers, and you hope people will find them more interesting and send you more prompts this time.

-Promoting your own work is okay. You tell yourself this as you reblog yesterday’s fic post, tensely waiting for a rebuke that never comes.

-People laugh at something you wrote. You can’t figure out what. When you ask, nobody responds. They never laughed in the first place. You’re not sure you wrote anything.

-The fic is 50 hours long and 7000 words long; no one cares. A 10 minute speedwrite is reblogged into eternity.

-The kudos stack up. They are a solid block of names. You can’t read who left them. When you blink and look again, only 10 Guests have left kudos.

-Your inbox is full. There’s a comment on your fic. It has been edited 17 times. Six more emails come in as you read the initial comment. The numbers in your inbox climb and climb. You can’t find what’s been changed in the comment, but you can’t stop obsessively comparing each message.

-This comment is a book report. Glee and fear fill you in equal amounts.

-Someone apologizes for leaving a comment on an old fic. You can’t find who started the absurd rumor that authors don’t like comments on old fics. You plan their murder anyway.

-You eye your old username and associated fics. You pray that no one ever finds them. You resist the urge to tell people where to look.

-The fic is finished. You are dead. You are sick of it. You’ve never been so tired in your life. You hate the world. You force yourself to post it, absolutely exhausted, and suddenly can’t sleep for refreshing your inbox.

-The words multiply. You can’t control them. They eat your brain and come out your eyes. When people try to talk to you, you speak in snatches of character dialogue and narrate unconnected events. They keep talking to you, encouraging you to say more. The words own you now.

-No one believes you when you say the story is writing itself. You stare in despair at the screen. Why won’t anyone help you?

-You’ve misspelled ‘the.’ Autocorrect is wonderful until it’s not.

-Sleep is for the weak. You dream you’re still writing.

-The fic is 50 hours long and 7000 words long; no one cares. A 10 minute speedwrite is reblogged into eternity.

Hahaha, ah it’s funny because it’s true. *eyetic* what do you mean there’s blood coming out of my nose? No, no I’m fine, go right ahead. Reblog the scone post again, I don’t mind.

-Someone apologizes for leaving a comment on an old fic. You can’t find
who started the absurd rumor that authors don’t like comments on old
fics. You plan their murder anyway.

GODS OWN TRUTH. Who told readers that there’s a statute of limitations on commenting? Why is apologizing for commenting so common? Who has abused these readers for sincerely expressing their appreciation and affection for fanwork?

@hedgiwithapen

I adore your blog. Mostly bc of the wonderful headcanons and plot bunnies provided but also bc sometimes your followers spit out something like “madaras a weed guy” like. I would have never come to that thought myself but you’re definitely not wrong? If I saw a guy that looked like madara walk down my college campus I’d be like “yup that guy knows where to get the good kush” also “what the fuck is he wearing” but I digress

blackkatmagic:

xDD

Yeah, this blog has gotten to the point that “diverse headcanons” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

leonisdraw:

twitter-hikari:

leonisdraw:

@thecrackening // @blackkatmagic for putting that AU in my head.

So basically, in this AU, Obito is completely horrified to have killed Minato and gets out with baby!Ruto, and there were talk of Kisame adopting Naruto lmao.

Naruto’s terrible two were an awful time in the Akatsuki. It’s been exactly 48 hours since Obito last slept, he wants it to stop now.
(or baby Naruto napping with his two dads, as I call it)


(first part of this AU is there.)

I blame all y’all. You know who you are. @thecrackening @leonisdraw Here’s the thing. 

 He wasn’t sleeping. Kisame scrubbed his hand over exhausted eyes. “Please Sunshine, just close your eyes.” It had been almost two days since the last time Naruto slept more than a fitful five minute doze. Kisame had been trying everything he could remember from when he was dumped in his clan’s nursery and it wasn’t working. 

 Naruto’s lack of sleep meant that neither of his adoptive parents were sleeping. Obito had just come off an unsuccessful soothing shift with a wild look in his eyes.
“I’ll be back with….something,” he growled. The warping spiral of Kamui whisked him away, leaving an equally sleep-deprived shinobi and kidlet. 

Sobs had finally quieted to a whimpering as Naruto realized that no amount of tears were going to bring Obito back. Kisame sighed, shrugged off Samehada and snuggled with his kid.
The low hum of Sameheda’s chakra spiked with the pleasure of feeding. Kisame blinked into awareness, staring at Naruto patting down Samehada. The shark-man probed at their link and was pleasantly surprised to hear Samehada’s purr fill the air. 

“Naruto, this is Samehada. Do you want to hear how I won her?”

 ~*~ 

Obito dropped out of Kamui, arms loaded with bags. “Okay, I’ve got these things to try-” His thought was cut short at the sight of Kisame and Naruto sleeping. Konan took the bags from his arms and hip checked him into the room. 

“Samehada has been purring for the last hour, Sunshine has been out for most of that, for the love of God Tobi, go take advantage of it. We all are.” When Naruto wasn’t doing well everyone suffered. 

 Obito staggered over to Kisame and dropped heavily on the side *not* occupied by the sword and kid. Obito leaned into Kisame’s shoulders and took a deep breath. Oil and sea salt and baby powder. The smell of home.

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

I have 0 shame and this is awesome PLEASE READ IT @Y’ALL

May I add again:

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

also @blackkatmagic tagging u since you’re the origine of it.

Ok, may I BEG for some Kisame hc? Or Zabuza hc, whichever tickles your fancy BECAUSE ALL OF THOSE HEADCANONS ARE SO COOL !!!!!!

blackkatmagic:

💕

– Has an older sister and a mother.

– No one can prove what happened to his father and that’s the way they like it.

– Is incredibly skilled at mahjong. Especially strip mahjong. 

– Self-conscious about his blue skin, but the way that one Uchiha shinobi blushes whenever he smiles totally helps. 

– (It’s maybe kind of possible Kisame almost walked into a tree after Obito smiled at him and complimented his biceps.)

– Kakashi flails and face-palms in the background. How is this his life. Rin is already stupid enough about that Ame kunoichi. Why does Kakashi have to be the sane one here.

– Becomes Mizukage accidentally.

– Kind of.

– It was mostly an accident, okay?

– It might have had something to do with hearing that that one swordsman kid was going to try and massacre his whole class to get the graduation fights to stop. 

– He doesn’t particularly want to be Mizukage, but now that he is he may ass well do a good job.

– That one spitfire girl is totally his new jounin commander, and not just because she reminds him of his sister. She’s scary

– So that Konoha delegation just happens to have the Uchiha with scarred face  in it. Kisame absolutely didn’t request him specifically. 

– (He’s so strong, though.)

– Kisame is totally getting that ANBU mask off, it’s his new mission objective. 

– (Obito absolutely doesn’t object.)

No lie, i was JUST thinking about what would have happened if various akatsuki members had raised Naruto, so scrolling down my dash to see OBITO with him was just the pinnacle of Good Content. That said, I’m going to raise the bar a little by adding those musings to it: Kisame is the one who somehow came across tiny, orphaned and “monsterous” baby naru wandering around by himself & adopted him. KisaObi raising sunshine son to straddle that oh so thin Amazing/Terrifying line.

blackkatmagic:

YES PLEASE. This would be so awesome.

…Damn it. 

*opens Word*

The start of this and this.