We need to stop seeing autism as some sort of one-dimensional sliding scale. Autism is not a thermometer. It’s not a rating that is “more” or “less”. High-functioning and Low-functioning do not exist in the real world.
Autism is a collection of symptoms and behaviours. Like a sundae bar. You choose your toppings that fit you.
Are you a bipolar extravert that loves socialising, is good at math and bad at remembering time? That’s ONE way to be autistic!
Are you a socially anxious autistic who has meltdowns when your clothes don’t feel right but a genius knowledge of music theory and is great at scheduling? That’s another way to be autistic!
Notice how both of those examples has strengths and weaknesses? Is one more “employable” or “high-functioning” than the other?
There is no one-size-fits-all category or rating for autism.
Though I’d often heard the phrase “autism spectrum” I didn’t really understand it. This post really helps.
It’s a tone Harry’s only heard a few times. And every single time Harry’s heard it, the tone has meant the Dursley’s have mislead and outright lied to him.
Still, Harry doesn’t like people yelling around him. So he scrunches in on himself and gets quieter. “It’s just – I thought maybe wizards would have a cure. I don’t see a lot of, y’know, disabilities around here, and I don’t hear about any other wizards being like me…” he trails off, knowing Hagrid’s thunderous expression isn’t geared towards him, but feeling uncomfortable, anyway.
Hagrid visibly calms himself and gives Harry an apologetic stare. He runs a hand through his thick, coarse hair. “Yer not wrong about tha’. Look, Harry, wizarding society ain’t too forward an’ accepting abou’ those who are diff’rent. That’s true. But you – ah. Harry, it’s call, uh, lemme remember this right. It’s called asexuality. And it’s as valid as an other identity – gay, straight, whatever else. ‘Onestly, I don’ follow all the terms tha’ well because – well, Harry, there’s not many folk aroun’ I’m int’rested in, so it doesn’t matter much ta me. But you? Ah, yer not alone, Harry. Your dad,” Hagrid relaxes a bit when he sees Harry perk up at this, “he was jus’ like you.”
“He – he was?”
“Yeah. He was. James was asexual. He didn’ really know ‘til he started datin’ yer mum, but he was real loud ‘n’ proud abou’ it after that.”
“He – my dad was… asexual,” Harry repeated, trying the word out for himself.
“An’ the Dursley’s were dead wrong, Harry,” Hagrid leaned down to look Harry in the eyes, resting a large and comforting hand on Harry’s shoulder. “It’s not a disease or a disorder or whatever else codswallop they tried ta feed ya,” he confirmed. “You do not need fixin’, Harry.”
As soon as Hagrid sat back up, Harry covered his face with his hands and took a few shuddering breaths. It was as big and as important a revelation as the fact that he was a wizard.
“Hones’ly, shoulda given ‘em all pig tails. Gotta remember that nex’ time I’m there,” Hagrid murmured to himself, busying himself by shuffling things around in the kitchen of his hut to give Harry time to gather himself.
Harry gave a strangled laugh from behind his hands.
Finally, Hagrid turned around. “Rock cake?” he offered.
Harry peeked out from under his hands, remnants of dried tears on his face clear to Hagrid. “Just some tea, please,” he asked.
“Comin’ right up,” Hagrid smiled. Harry sounded much less distressed than when he’d entered Hagrid’s hut. For now, that was good enough for Hagrid.
I’ve been so busy for the past week I don’t know how many days of productivity challenge I didn’t post picture for, I’ve been not eating good and my body screamed. I don’t want to feel like that anymore, so I made a promise to myself and wrote these self care ideas to my journal.
Don’t forget to care for yourself guys❤️
Let me tell you something, my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.
It’s not fair that we have to conform to NT social standards. It’s really not. It sucks and it’s hard work.
In most situations, I will nod my head and say that NTs just need to be more accepting and get over it.
The big exception I have, however, is when autistic men accidentally act in a threatening manner towards women.
Look, I’m an autistic woman and even I, knowing full well what’s going on, still get terrified sometimes. So I’ve just put together the three things autistic men do that immediately set off the red alert in my brain, with some quick tips for avoiding appearing threatening in ways that shouldn’t upset your autism.
(Side note: To be honest, a lot of this is applicable across all genders and interactions, but women get more leeway before their behaviour is seen as threatening. When other women do these things, I shrug them off, or tell them to knock it off. When men do them, I freeze up and panic. There is a cultural bias to see men as more threatening.
And, to be honest, that red alert in my brain is essential to my survival, and that’s true for a lot of women. In the past, when I haven’t listened to the red alert, and have tried to give the benefit of the doubt, I have ended up in some very bad situations. It’s unfortunate that ND behaviours get tied up in red flag behaviours, but it doesn’t make them any less red flag behaviours and women reacting as such is important to them as a survival skill.)
If You Find Out Personal Contact Information By Accident, You’re Not Allowed to Use it
Say you’re on a work night out and you and a co-worker share a taxi home. She gets out and walks to her house before the taxi pulls away to take you home. You now know where she lives.
She hasn’t given you that information. She hasn’t extended an invitation for you to call around. So don’t. In anything short of an emergency situation (e.g. she doesn’t show up for work and no one can contact her), you act as if you don’t have that information.
Similarly, if you happen to come across her phone number or personal email, without her having given it to you, don’t use it. Or start using it sparingly, and open with “Hey, it’s [your name]. I got your number from [X] because I needed to ask you [Y]. If you’d rather I contact you in another way, or just would have preferred it if I had I waited until we saw each other in person, please let me know.”
If she doesn’t respond, don’t send another message. Just let it go.
Showing up uninvited to someone’s house (when they haven’t given you an open invitation to call around whenever) or using personal contact information they haven’t given you makes you seem like a stalker. And showing up at her house especially violates her feeling of safety.
Step Back and Don’t Block Exits
Look, we all get excited when we infodump. We all get stimmy and have trouble regulating the volume of our voices.
Similarly, we all start frantically stimming when we get frustrated.
Both of these can be terrifying to be on the other end of, but it’s very simple to reduce the risk of the person you’re talking to feeling afraid.
Take a good step back. I mean it. A decent one. If you’re too far away for them to hear, they will step closer to you. Give them breathing room.
Don’t stand in doorways. Seriously, just try to be mindful of doorways. This happens all of the time and nothing makes me feel more trapped.
In fact, be mindful of any exit and avoid standing between her and it. She probably won’t run away, but cutting off the possibility will make her more likely to panic.
Be Upfront With Your Romantic Intentions or Lack Thereof
Look, the majority of autistic people cannot flirt. I know I can’t. So it can be difficult for women to realise that you’re trying to flirt with them if you’re not just upfront about it. And, to be honest, not being upfront can put you squarely in the “friend-zone zone”, where a woman gets anxious because she thinks that you think that you’re in the friend-zone and she has no clue how to approach that, or reject you concretely when you’re not being upfront about your intentions.
Yes, getting hurt sucks. But if you’re trying to get with a girl, for the love of Gandalf, just tell her. Do it casually and respect her right to say no, but tell her.
“Hey, so, I kind of like you and was wondering if you wanted to go on a date. But if not, that’s cool, I just thought I’d ask.”
If she says no, just keep it casual. Even if you feel like your heart just got stomped into tiny pieces, smile and say “Alright, that’s cool. I just thought I’d ask.”
Now, if you have no romantic interest in her, you should also try to make that clear. When autistic people get overenthusiastic about things, we can often accidentally send flirting signals. This can quickly bring about the problem of the friend-zone zone.
I actually don’t have a good suggestion for that one. Unless you’re not into girls and feel comfortable enough to tell her. But you should be aware that it can be a problem.
Okay, these were just the ones off the top of my head. Followers, feel free to add others.
I do get that this feels shitty. And I have gone back and forth about whether or not to make a post like this, because I get just how awful being told to stop ND traits can be. But I’m not telling you to stop, I’m giving you work arounds, because I cannot count the number of times my male autistic friends have terrified me accidentally.
I’m bringing this post back because I’ve been recently contacted by an autistic guy through my author FB page who I’m sure didn’t mean to give off stalker vibes but DID.
Half of me feels bad for blocking him, but the other half of me is in a panic, trying to think over every piece of public information I have ever shared and wondering if tHIS IS HOW I DIE.
This is some solid advice. Especially the one about personal space and blocking doorways.
Like seriously, that one thing, above all else, if people remember that it would be awesome.
Make it part of your routine for info dumping. Check your surroundings, step away, clear a path, and infodump away.
It will go a long, long, way to eliminating the creep vibe that so many of us accidentally give off.
Also, texting/messaging/emailing a lot of times in a row is bad. Especially if you don’t get a response. I’ve had a few autistic guys do this to me and I know it’s probably just lack of social skills but at the same time a lot of non-autistic guys do this and it is scary to get 20+ messages because normally that’s a major red flag for the guy being a stalker/wanting to hurt you. So if you’re just saying “hey” one message works. Anything more than like five is starting to teeter on creepy.
with regard to both infodumping and messaging, if at all possible I recommend check-ins: “I can get carried away on this topic, does it bother you?”
if they go “uh….” and don’t instantly say yes, it’s a no.
re: flirting: “I’m told I sometimes act flirty when I’m excited about something, I don’t mean anything by it. Please tell me if I make you uncomfortable, I don’t always notice.”
also, if a woman takes a step back from you, DO NOT COME CLOSER.
Something that really bothers me about people’s hatred towards Ron is that unless you grew up really poor you have no idea what it’s like and how much it affects you. Especially if you grow up poor surrounded by rich friends. The jealousy seriously eats you alive and the way Ron acted was perfectly understandable.
Over twenty years later, I’ll still never forget the day one of my classmates told me to just ask my parents for more money, as though I was literally too thick to work out the obvious solution. Because in her world, it was that simple. Or the day my teacher gave me an ‘are you even trying for a believable lie’? look when I had to tell him my parents couldn’t afford to send me on a low-cost excursion. Or how for an entire school year, I had to wear a school uniform skirt so small it left angry marks on my waist every day, because my mother begged me to make it last just one more year. The day everyone thought it was hilarious to ruin my pencil case, and even more hilarious that I was so upset and claimed that my parents would be furious with me – LOL, that silly girl! They’ll just buy her a new one, it’s not that difficult! (Spoiler, they couldn’t and it was). And yeah, I had my fair share of second-hand underwear too, like another character who grew up in poverty. The utter shock I felt when I realized other families not only had air conditioning, but also used it regularly… the jealousy I felt when everyone else had nice formal wear and I had whatever my parents could manage to get… the list goes on and on. And that’s on top of a bunch of other struggles and disadvantages I had.
But to hear Ron critics talk, he was the worst person alive if he ever even dared to want nice things for himself instead of just nobly being happy other people had them. ‘Why is everything I own rubbish?’ is not a permissible attitude, not even for a moment.
I see a lot of people making fun/disapproving of how Ron is always stuffing his face with food and it INFURIATES ME.
When you grow up fucking poor you learn to take advantage of free food when you have it.
Asshats.
Also does anyone realize the sheer fortitude Ron had to have to invite Harry over to his house!?
I could not invite my better off friends over to my house because things were literally falling apart inside of it and my family didn’t have the means to fix it and it ate me up inside to not be able to have my best friend over to my house when I spent the better half of my teenage life sleeping over at her house because my parents and I didn’t want her to see how rundown the inside of our home was.
Ron was so nervous about what Harry would say about his house and was embrassed by the state of it but he saw Harry needed somewhere to stay and he opened up his home to him. People who have always been well off wouldn’t understand the magnitude of that action.
Ron is a damn treasure and anyone who hates him because of his jealousy can’t understand the deeper meaning behind it.
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