teechew:

omoshiro-i:

i got back to my apartment this weekend, and was able to draw for the first time since last Sunday.

Some headshots for a bunch of kind people who helped me out with my accident costs…

Lookit Kelutra and Hulfgarde !
Omoshiro got their personnality so well I’m super happy !!

warriormaggie:

renegade-mage:

therealmnemo:

mikkeneko:

katiebour:

elleblr:

confuzzeldmind:

elleblr:

thewoofles:

Sigh….looks like I need to make some more brofessions when I get on my lunch break…

Well, I can be pretty scary. >.>

I agree with this confession actually. Anders is a truly interesting, complex, and tragic character. He sees the, pardon the pun, injustice in how Mages are treated and how admittedly Meredtih’s methods are getting out of hand and he feels he must do something. But blowing up the Chantry and killing innocent pledges and mothers and the grand cleric; I do not see how this helps his cause other than to make people notice to what extreme a Mage would go to in order to be free. Do I think what he did was right? Absolutely not. What scares me are the fans that are so obsessed with how “cute” and “adorable” he is when he’s not consumed by Justice, that they completely ignore his completely unstable crazy drastic side.

*******************

Actually, the reason I adore Anders is because of the things he does, not in spite of them.

It took me quite a while to wrap my head around it- on my first playthrough when he blew up the Chantry I ached.  I actually went and cried a little, then went to bed with an ache in my chest.  I couldn’t believe what he’d done, that he’d forced Hawke’s hand like this, and actually asked Hawke to kill him.

But then I thought, and thought, and thought some more.

I thought about the fact that mages have been imprisoned, lobotomized, or killed for one thousand years.

That’s a one with three fucking zeros.

There are very, very few worldviews in our universe that have subjugated/denigrated/de-humanized/tortured/murdered a specific group of people for ten centuries- not surprisingly, most of them are religions.

But consider this:

Many of the templars in-game that you fight come right out and say “They’re not really people.”

Mages can’t get married.  They can’t have children, or families.  If they have children, the children are taken away and they never see them again.  If they fall in love, that person becomes emotional collateral and you’ll do anything, anything, as long as the templars don’t hurt them.

They’re ripped away from their parents as soon as their magic manifests, or in Anders’ case, thrown away because they are “cursed.”

They are told, over and over again from the time they arrive at the Circle and throughout their lifetime that their very existence is a sin.  They are the next thing to demons.

They are put through a ritual designed to test their willpower and ability when they are little more than children, pushed into the Fade where the magical equivalent of a dinnerbell has been rung, and a demon waiting to possess them.  If they fail they will be killed.  If they take too long they will be killed.  There are men with swords standing by and waiting to kill them.

And all of that at the ripe old age of 17-18. 

They are subject to the whims of their often sadistic jailers, who will beat them, rape them, and try to provoke them into becoming possessed simply to have an excuse to cut them down.

They are rarely allowed outside- no sunshine, no fresh air, no running in the fields or playing ball games.  No frolicking in the snow, or ice skating, or even standing in the rain.  They are kept inside, under guard, where their existence is regulated from sunup to sunset- classes, meals, and sleep, all under the watchful eyes of the guards who are there to kill you if you fuck up.  Some of the mages are five or six years old.

They are forced into crowded quarters with 20-30 people (remember all the bunkbeds?) and no privacy.  No doors on the bathrooms, no closed areas for bathing or taking a piss or a crap, no privacy for dressing or masturbating or sleeping or kissing your girlfriend or boyfriend or sex.  Even the Harrowed mages are crowded into rooms without doors, where three beds, separated by a wall or a bookshelf mock the convention of privacy.

They are given no autonomy.  As Emile says, he’s never had a drink, never cooked something for himself.  They are treated like overgrown children all their lives and then punished for not being adult enough to resist temptation.  

And if they are brash enough to want more, to hope for more, if, like Anders, they come to the Circle at an age where they remember what it’s like to run free, to have family, friends, crushes on the pretty girl next door, pets, work, freedom, they are branded rebellious troublemakers.  If they run away from their stone prison they are hunted like animals (using what is, hypocritically enough, pretty much blood magic) and dragged back.  If it happens often enough the punishments become severe, like being put in solitary confinement for a year.

Plenty’s been written on the extraordinarily traumatic nature of solitary confinement and the long-term consequences it brings– I won’t reiterate that here.  But it’s torture, pure and simple.

And when a mage can’t take it anymore, he’ll either fall apart internally or externally.  Anders says the most common way for a mage to die is by his own hand, and just imagine that for a moment- Anders has seen mages, multiple, kill themselves- has found their bodies, perhaps, or had friends that simply gave up the fight and didn’t come to breakfast the next morning.  

If they fall apart externally the demons are there, taking them over and puppeting them in a grotesque parody of power before they’re cut down.  Either way they’re dead.

*********

Now put yourself in his shoes.  Remember what you were like at 5, or 7, or 12?  Remember your parents, your family, your world?  Now imagine that it’s been discovered that you have a trait totally out of your control- something dangerous and feared, yes, but no more so than a sword in the hands of a child.

Imagine your parents cursing your name, beating you, locking you up, handing you over to armed strangers.  Imagine your mother tearfully pressing a pillow into your hands and knowing that in all likelihood you will never, ever see any of your family again.

Imagine these strange armed men then drag you across the countryside, screaming, crying, afraid, lonely, and bring you into a prison.  You are thrown into a large room full of strangers, people you’ve been told to fear all your life until you realized you were one of them.  Maybe they make fun of you, the new kid, the one who can’t read, who doesn’t know a fireball from a sleep spell.  Imagine the first time you have to take a shit in front of dozens of strangers.

Imagine being thrown into a boarding school where you never get to go outside, where your days of working in the fields with your parents or playing with your dog or cat or sibling are replaced by lessons, lessons, and more lessons.  Where you are taught to harness the power inside of you and simultaneously condemned for having it in the first place.  Where you are taught to heal, to help others, but never allowed to actually do so.  

Maybe you remember when Aunt Bernice was sick, or the cow sprained a leg, and you wish you could just go home and help, where you could fireball the damn wolf that keeps eating your family’s sheep.  But you can’t go home, ever, and so you’re reduced to setting up sock blinds and performing ridiculous arcane exercises that may or may not have practical value, ever.  You’re cursed, useless, and in the eyes of your jailers, a punishment inflicted upon the world.  You’re less than human and you will be watched, always, in case you slip, and if you do, the templars will be there to cut you down.

**********

This is Anders’ reality.  And when he fights back, does he immediately go blow up the Chantry?  No.  The first thing he does when he stops running is set up a clinic to heal people, to help, and to hide.  He only gets involved in the mage underground because he came to help Karl, his first lover.

Imagine finding the first person you ever cared about and left on friendly terms lobotomized.

So he blows up the Chantry then, right?

No.  He sits down and writes out well-thought out arguments, and goes around begging people to read it.  He tries to send it to Orsino, Meredith, anyone who will listen and make changes.  He tries the peaceful route.

But no one is interested in logic, in how mages, properly trained and cared-for are no more dangerous than a trained soldier.  How they could help.  No one is interested in the fact that mages are the Maker’s children, too, and as his creations don’t deserve to be punished for something completely out of their control.

And this is Anders with Justice riding sidesaddle in his head.  Awakenings Anders would just have cut and run- he has a history of it, and after Dissent he tries to run, before he hurts anyone.

But Justice won’t let him leave, won’t let him abandon his people and the fight they both sacrificed so much for.  You can tell him to leave, and cut him out of your party.  Justice finds a way to make it happen.

At the beginning of Act III, in your house, Anders reveals that the mage cause is all but lost.  Most of the people he worked with have been killed by Meredith.  No one is reading his manifesto- no one is even considering his viewpoint, because the system as it is has endured for a thousand years.

How do you change something a thousand years in the making?

How do you incite your fellow mages to rise up, at last, to see the slow death for what it is, how do you fight for the freedom simply to live as a human being?

You do it by forcing the hand of your common enemy.  Anders didn’t blow up the Chantry to kill the Grand Cleric, or to kill anyone, for that matter.  He did it because it was the one thing that would guarantee that Meredith would order the Rite of Annulment on a Circle full of innocent mages.

He exposed, to all of the mages, once and for all, that their guilt or innocence doesn’t matter.  The Templars have the power of life and death over them, and will exercise it at their whim.  There is no one to protect them, no one to save them when the Rite is ordered.

Meredith would have ordered it anyway (had already sent to Val Royeaux for permission, as is revealed if you go and talk to the Templars in the Gallows at the end of Act III) but that particular execution of the Rite would have been cloaked under the guise of “They’re all blood mages and they deserve it.”    They all would have died without a murmur, the Circle wiped clean, and no one left to argue their guilt or innocence.

Anders’ actions make it crystal-clear that he is the one to blame for the Chantry, the Circle was in no way responsible.  But Meredith takes it out on them anyway, because the people will demand blood, and after all, they’re just mages, it’s not like they’re human, right?  Keep in mind that the Circle is full of innocents, men, women, children, Bethany.

Anders reveals to all of the mages beyond a shadow of a doubt that they exist at the Templar’s sufferance, to be executed regardless of guilt or innocence.  The Circle is a death sentence.  Change and revolution won’t come from the outside- so he creates it on the inside, and pushes the Templars to reveal who they really, truly are- executioners.

There are fourteen Circles of Magi in Thedas, each with dozens, or even hundreds of mages.  For a thousand years, untold generations of mages have come and gone, been imprisoned, tortured, killed.  Unless someone does something, untold future generations will continue in the same vicious cycle.

Anders steps up, with Justice’s help.  He takes on the mantle and burden of being the savior of his people.  The compassionate healer kills a building full of innocent people (and it nearly destroys him to do it) in order to save thousands upon thousands of innocents in the present and future.  He knows that he deserves to die for what he’s done and begs you to put him to the sword.  As long as the revolution occurs, his own life is unimportant.

*****

Anders is an epic figure, a tragic hero, a cursed and blessed man.  He refuses to accept that he, or any mage deserve their treatment, and he fights, unceasingly, for all of them.  He sacrifices his life so that justice may be done.

I know exactly who Anders is, and I love the hell out of him.  Vive la fucking revolution, baby.  ❤

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, 
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

-Dylan Thomas

—————————

“It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace — but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!”

-Patrick Henry

I have to laugh at all the tags on this post that go “I agree that Anders’ cause was a just one, but I would NEVER support KILLING anyone for it!” since, once again, to get to this point in the game you would have had to kill something upwards of 2,000 people through Hawke.

I can completely understand a mindset that believes that killing is always wrong, that advocates pacifism as the best/only way of advancing causes and improving the world. Totally understand! But if that also extends to the media you consume, then maybe you shouldn’t be playing a game whose main gameplay mechanic is literal murder? 

This isn’t even a question of “okay with it in fiction but not okay in real life,” since the people that Anders kills – just like the ones Hawke kills – are fictional. They’re all fictional. Anders (who is also fictional) has an actual literal kill count of real people of 0. So if cheering for that makes me into something that scares you… well, I got nothing for you, buddy.

gets out megaphone: I BET ANDRASTE’S FORCES KILLED A BUNCH OF INNOCENTS WHEN THEY TORE THROUGH TEVINTER. THE CHANTRY EXPLOSION WAS AN ACT OF WAR, AN ACT OF INSURRECTION. THE CHANTRY HAS BEEN KILLING MAGES AND ELVES FOR CENTURIES. THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT. 

I mean people are allowed their opinions and all but i feel like we’d have better informed opinions if we can read and consider every source material. so yes you’re playing hawke’s story but how can you miss all of the mages narrative so much so that someone had to type it out on this post (and a hundred more posts like this)

and make no mistake when i side with anders and see the chantry blow up im grounded, hurt, i still ache because that is a painfully hard decision to make. nevermind that that very chantry proved to be corrupted beyond the standard chantry corruption. its powerful but heartbreaking even more so when you realise that is the only way a mage could make his voice heard and not have the templars’ wrongs be swiped under the rug by the chantry. its horrible bloody and painful and that is what makes the scene powerful not the “omg anders is crazy and a demon did a very bad thing” thats just shallow.

And this is you assuming that all those Chantry mothers, those faithful followers, those brothers and sisters…that they are as innocent as you claim. I never once saw these good men and women down in Darktown helping. I saw them in Lowtown – petitioning for money. I saw them walking sedately through Hightown. But I never saw a lick of charity, of compassion, of understanding. Not from this Chantry. And their leader – the voice of Andraste in Kirkwall – refusing to take any sides. That’s not the mark of a peace keeper. Not at all.

What really gets me hot under the collar. What really PISSES ME OFF. Is that We see Anders blow the Chantry and then suddenly it’s Inquisition and the cycle repeats itself. You can give the mages their freedom, yes, but in the end…the Circle is reborn. Because mages have been so ingrained to think they need to be locked up, they will literally create their own circles to hide in. 

This is an entire portion of the population raised to believe that they are NOTHING without a jailer. That they lack self-control. That they are a stain upon the world. That their magic is a thing to be feared…and even those who find power with their magic will preach a locked Circle for “safety.” 

You want me to feel remorse over a few hundred people in a building dedicated to the subjugation of all people in Thedas. How are they any different than the Qun? They aren’t – their manner of subjugation is just more familiar to you. More Western Religion. More CHURCH. You see the Chantry mother and think Nun. You see the Brother and think Monk. You see the building and think Holy. Because that’s what the game wants you to see – the gilded gold of an organized faith that preaches peace while threatening with the sword. Weep for the elves, the dwarves, and the mages who are viewed as less than by a faith that would rule and entire world through conquest and death because THAT is the Chantry. Pft.

Don’t get me started.

olennawhitewyne:

dendritic-trees:

pyrebomb:

“Ship means something you want to see happen.” Bitch, no it don’t. This weird-ass modern culture of lobbying show-runners to make your ship canon didn’t emerge until the advent of social media. (And recent social media like twitter, not shit-you-forgot-existed like MySpace.) Shipping and fandom in general have been around much longer, so you can stop acting like “this is the way it has always been uwu” right the fuck now.

Until relatively recently, most fans I’ve known have been perfectly okay with their ships never being canon. I, personally, would be actively offended if certain ships of mine became canon. That is not why I ship them. What I want from canon and what I want from fandom are often entirely different things that only intersect on the margins.That is why fanworks are called “transformative” ffs.

This exactly.

I’m so glad someone said this. A lot of my fav ships I specifically have no desire to see become canon, especially since they’re often in shows that don’t really do much with romance and I PREFER them that way. Shipping and fan fiction are, more often than not, separate things that I enjoy separately.

equagga:

thatdiabolicalfeminist:

Being poor is just a series of emergencies.

Emergencies really do crop up more often for poor people. Necessities, like vacuum cleaners or phones or bedding or shoes, need replacement or repair more often when you only buy the cheapest possible option.

Poor people’s health tends to be compromised by cheap, unhealthy food; stress; being around lots of similarly-poor contagious sick people who can’t afford to stay home or get treatment; inadequate healthcare; and often, hazardous and/or demanding work conditions.

So we get sick more. On top of that, many people are poor specifically because of disability. All of that is expensive – even if you just allow your health to deteriorate, eventually you can’t work, which is – say it with me – expensive.

When you’re poor, even the cheapest (most temporary) solution for an emergency often breaks the bank. Unexpected expenses can be devastating. People who aren’t poor don’t realize that an urgent expense of thirty dollars can mean not eating for a week. Poor people who try to save find our savings slipping away as emergency after emergency happens.

I don’t think people who’ve never been poor realise what it’s like. It’s not that we’re terrible at budgeting, it’s that even the most perfect budget breaks under the weight of the basic maths: we do not have enough resources.

Cos we’re fucking poor.

People who aren’t poor also have different ideas of what an emergency constitutes. The AC breaking in the middle of summer isn’t an emergency when it’s in the budget to just go buy a new one the same afternoon without worrying about how it’ll affect your grocery money; having to take two days off from work because you’re running a bad fever isn’t an emergency when you have paid sick leave.

So it’s no wonder the well off people of the world don’t get it when a low income person is stressed over something breaking or a minor illness. I know people for whom a crashed car – as long as no one was hurt – would just be ‘damn it I liked that car and now I gotta borrow my wife’s’ and I know people for whom it would be ‘I can’t afford to have this fixed but I can’t get to work if I don’t get it fixed and I can’t get it fixed if I don’t go to work hahhaha time to indebt myself to family members who I desperately wish I didn’t even have to interact with because they’re the only ones who can give me rides or loan me money.’

Two very different worlds.

Mental Illness in the Horror Genre

viridian-sun:

gloriousmonsters:

coldwind-shiningstars:

violent-darts:

elidyce:

underhuntressmoon:

irdeadite:

too-ticky:

Something that pissed me off the other day.

Talking to a guy who knows my parents but doesn’t know me very well, and he tells me that his friend (indeed, a very nice and talented actor) recently put out a horror movie. And I’m interested until I hear the words “So it’s about this guy with OCD…” and at that point my mom and I give each other a sidelong glance.

I say, “I don’t know, because I have OCD and it’s a pretty serious thing for me.”

To which he follows up, “Oh, you don’t have it like this guy! You’re totally functional!”

Okay, dude. Yes, I am standing before you in a fancy club, dressed nice, and looking relatively balanced. But you do not know me. You do not know OCD.

You do not know that I have been non-functional, and that in order to maintain my current balance of sanity, I take daily medication and see a weekly therapist, and I still have downward spirals and panic attacks.

OCD can add to a story, for sure. The Aviator is a great example–albeit, it was on the voyeuristic side, kind of “check out what a weirdo this guy really is”, but his condition was portrayed in a realistic and *sympathetic* manner, because it focused so hard on his anxiety and entrapment.

I don’t need a horror movie about my disorder for a couple reasons.
1. I already live the horror movie that is OCD.
2. Just like people with psychosis, schizophrenia/schizotypal disorders, dissociative identity disorders, and any other number of mental disorder that makes us act in unusual and yes, sometimes frightening ways, I don’t need it to be the hinge for your horror flick, a handy device that makes more people like you scared and misunderstanding of people like me.
3. And for people with the above disorders who may not be diagnosed, they don’t need to be told that they are dangerous monsters and cause them to avoid treatment out of fear. (This goes double for people who experience paranoia or delusions as part of their symptoms.)

This post ended up way longer than I meant, but really, truly, hear me out creators:

MENTAL ILLNESS IS A TRAIT AMONG AN INFINITE VARIETY OF PEOPLE. IT IS NOT A CHARACTER FLAW, AND IT IS DEFINITELY A POOR PLOT DEVICE FOR THE HORROR GENRE. YOU CAN DO BETTER.

*Loudly looks @ the movie “Split” *

For real can we stop this shit along with having horror movies take place in mental hospitals

But imagine that the protagonist is the one with the OCD.

She is targeted by a serial killer who enjoys toying with people, gaslighting by proxy, and ‘maybe I’m going crazy’ works perfectly on all his victims until this one.

Because she knows the difference. She checks that her door is locked a dozen times before leaving the house, so she knows she didn’t leave it open. She unplugs every appliance in the house before she leaves, so she knows she didn’t leave the television on. Her clothes have to be organized in a very specific way so she knows that someone’s been touching them.

Of course, the horror movie aspect comes in when, because she has OCD, nobody believes any of this. Not the police, not her friends and family, nobody. “Everybody just forgets sometimes” or “It’s just your mind playing tricks on you” mouthed by people who don’t understand that she doesn’t EVER forget, that her mind plays tricks on her all the time and this is not like that, this is someone else *doing* it. she has more than enough experience to tell the difference.

When she reports whispers coming from inside the walls, she gets asked if it could just be ‘in her head’. No. It can’t. She knows what the inside of her head sounds like and it’s nothing like this. But nobody believes that.

She can’t leave the house because every time she does, someone comes in and touches and moves her things but nobody believes her. Her family come over to try to ‘calm her down’ which is absolutely zero help. It doesn’t matter how many traps she sets to prove that someone is in the house, nobody believes she didn’t trip them herself. In desperation, she turns to the people in her therapy group. Someone is in my house, moving things, whispering things, and nobody believes me, I need help or I’m pretty sure he’ll kill me.

And they show up, en masse, with improvised weapons and toolboxes, and they search every inch of her house (without making a mess in any way because they totally understand that that would upset her) and when she says the voice comes out of her bedroom wall they start measuring every room and wall and *that* wall might be thick enough for someone to hide inside so they tap on every inch with a rock taped to the end of a broomstick so they’re not in arm’s reach and that bit sounds hollow and that and that and that but *that* bit doesn’t and the serial killer bursts out to find a) way more people than he expected and b) OCD protagonist wielding a butcher knife.

When he’s doubled up on the floor screaming and clutching his bleeding abdomen they call an ambulance because they are not murderers unlike this guy and he gets pulled out and taken to hospital and her friends from therapy offer her a scrupulously clean spare bedroom and help cleaning up the blood and fixing the place up again and anything else she needs.

Six months later she’s back at work, and hears a receptionist talking about how her ex is being kind of creepy and she’s sure he’s sneaking into the house when she’s not home but her friends think she’s totally overreacting and maybe she’s just crazy –

OCD protagonist tells her that no, she is not crazy, and anyone who discounts her fears like that is not a friend. If she doesn’t feel safe, she needs to take steps to protect herself. Would she like to know how to rig some little traps to let her know for sure if someone’s been in the house? OCD protagonist knows some good ones.

Traps? Would they, like, hurt him?

They could. Would she like them to?

Yes please.

@gloriousmonsters

😀 this is EXTREMELY relevant to my interests and now I’m mad this movie doesn’t exist because so few promising horror movies are coming out this year

This seems like a good place to mention that I especially love narratives where the MC’s mental illness or neurodivergence helps them out (aside from the ‘white autistic man is good at math’ trope because that’s been done to death) in situations that neurotypical people would have a hard time with – this reminds me of what I tried to do with Sally in The Ninth Daughter, where there’s a monster that specializes in manipulating reality without people noticing – but Sally’s schizophrenic and used to checking and re-checking the world around her for reality, so it doesn’t work on her.

@astrakiseki

more-witches:

noc10:

*parts a bead curtain as i enter the room, carrying a glass of lemonade* 

hey….

nothing you ever read, watch, or participate in will be ideologically pure and without its problems. your quest to consume the most unproblematic material will be, in the end, fruitless. your enjoyment of anything will be sapped away, leaving you a husk starved for media.

 it is okay to enjoy things that have problems to them, so long as you do it critically and with an open mind, and take care to consider others.

*leaves the way i came*

This is possibly the healthiest post I’ve seen on this site