do u ever just think about the fact that molly weasley saw HARRY POTTER, the boy who defeated voldemort, and went “i’m gonna knit this kid a christmas sweater”
what i love thinking about is
in the book ron says he told his mum that harry wasn’t expecting any christmas presents and that’s why she sent him them
and knowing ron can be a bit scatty/oblivious he probably didn’t mention it til like two days before christmas
so i just like to think of molly sitting up all night knitting harry his sweater and baking him homemade fudge or whatever because she’d be damned if she’d let harry go present-less at christmas
Or maybe Harry is just as dismissive. Like, Ron is dreaming aloud of him mom’s homemade fudge and asks Harry what he wants and Harry shrugs “the Dursley never give me anything, last year I got a half-used eraser” and Ron is like 0_0 because what, no one is going to give a gift to his new best friend? So he takes poor Errol telling Percy it’s an emergency and Percy’s like no! and Ron’s like HARRY NEVER GETS CHRISTMAS GIFTS YOU GIT and Percy’s like Oh. Ok. Write mom. And Ron’s letter is mainly MOM HARRY NEVER GETS CHRISTMAS GIFTS FROM HIS MUGGLES WHAT DO I DO and then it’s December 23 at night and Arthur is ready to go to bed and sees his wife get the yarn and the knitting needles out again and Honey I thought you were done? Did we get another child while I was at work? YES, she answers, furious. Ron’s new friend, little Harry. If I get this done by tomorrow morning I can make a batch of fudge and send Errol back with it. And that’s when Arthur Weasley realized they did get another kid when he wasn’t looking but, honestly, once you went past the five kids mark you stopped counting.
“
Did we get another child while I was at work?” “YES”
actual warning signs: looks innocent enough, but the USB plug is abnormally shaped compared to most standardized plugs. On that note, look where you’d normally activate the touch feature on this mimic.
the sorcerer’s stone: dudley asking harry if he wants to practice sticking his head down the toilet and harry replying “no thanks, the poor toilet’s never had anything as horrible as your head down it – it might be sick” like ooo!!! sick burn!!! good for an 11 year old but overall still in the developmental stage. 6/10
the chamber of secrets: dudley (once again lmao get rekt) telling harry “i know what day it is” and harry replying “well done, so you’ve finally learned the days of the week.” lockhart trying to be all Amazing Teacher™ and shit and telling harry “just do what i did, harry!” and harry saying “what, drop my wand?” overall good but not with as much of an Oomph™ factor as the sorcerer’s stone. 5/10
the prisoner of azkaban: ah yes!!! Harry’s Sass™ in its adolescent years!!!! no longer a toddler, now solidly about 11 years old. draco making fun of harry for fainting at the quidditch game bc of the dementors and saying “shame [the broom] doesn’t come with a parachute – in case you get too near a dementor.” and harry replying “pity you can’t attach an extra arm to yours, malfoy. then it could catch the snitch for you.” 8/10 purely because he fucking MURDERED whiny bitch ass baby malfoy ha ha take that
the goblet of fire: a good amount of sass!! a healthy amount of sass! perhaps a bit held back though (come on harry get it together). rita skeeter annoying harry and asking for a word and jk rowling LITERALLY writing “‘yeah, you can have a word,’ said harry savagely. ‘good-bye'” like FUCK he is canon savage in this book!!!! DAMN!!!!! and then he reks malfoy AGAIN “you know that expression [your mother’s got], like she’s got dung under her nose? has she always looked like that, or was it just because you were with her?” MOTHERFUCK GO OFF 9/10
the order of the phoenix: HOLY GRAIL OF HARRY’S SASS™. THE MOTHERLOAD. GOD DAMN. when vernon asks him why he’s listening to the news again and harry replies w/ “well, it changes every day, you see.” when hermione’s warning him about picking fights w/ malfoy bc malfoy will make life hard for him and harry’s like “wow, i wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life” like fuck harry!!! tell us how u really feel!!!! literally ANY TIME he talks to an adult he doesn’t like. sassing dudley left & right, putting him in his place w/ “this is night, diddykins. that’s what we call it when it goes all dark like this” like fuck harry brought out the big guns w/ “diddykins”. overall wonderful, truly. a good healthy teenage dose of sass. 100/10
the half blood prince: SHIT DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY ANYTHING EXCEPT “THERE’S NO NEED TO CALL ME SIR, PROFESSOR” LIKE FUCK. BEST PART OF THE WHOLE BOOK. OF THE WHOLE SERIES. FUCKING OWNED SNAPE HE’S FUCKIN REKT LYING ON THE FLOOR CRYING DRINKING SOME CHEAP ASS DISGUSTING ASS FIREWHISKEY. BREAKS THE GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING SCALE SO FAR OFF THE SCALE IT’S ON MARS. INFINITY/10. FUCK.
the deathly hallows: “it’s time you learned some respect!” “it’s time you earned it” sassing the minister of magic hooooooo boy. not much else bc harry’s too busy like saving the world and shit. so extra points for multitasking and being an overall well rounded sass-er. 8/10
yknow the more jk rowlings world falls apart in america (race relations, international history, population, etc) the more i like to think that america just straight up doesnt have the statute of secrecy. european countries are falling over themselves hiding magic but come to georgia and theres a drunk redneck wizard wingardium leviosa-ing the shit out of a tractor to the delight of his drunk redneck muggle buddies in a walmart parking lot.
wizard on muggle violence is prevented by virtue of there being like a 50/50 chance that muggle is packing heat. muggle on wizard violence is prevented by knowing that wizard can give you boils spelling LIL BITCH on your forehead if you try to start something.
america is the weird redheaded stepchild of the magic world.
im not gonna stop reblogging this until this is the next Hot Fanon
english muggles come back to england and suspicious wizards meet them at the airport.
‘did you witness any strange or inexplicable acts while you were in america?’ they demand.
the english muggles just laugh in their dumb fucking faces. mate, it’s america.
what’s the difference between a werewolf and an animagus?
english wizard: *two hour lecture on legal history*
They’ve been at it for almost half an hour now, and at this
point even Minato’s smile is starting to look a little strained.
“I don’t understand,” he says, the next best thing to
plaintive as he pauses, eyeing the ball between them like it’s the enemy. “You’re
an Uchiha.”
Fugaku grits his teeth. The only thing keeping him from
throwing something at Minato’s head is the knowledge that it would probably hit
Kushina behind him instead, and then Mikoto would very literally eviscerate
him. “Not everyone in my family,” he bites out, “is a sports freak.”
“Ah, well, I don’t particularly think that—”
“What Pretty Boy’s trying to say,” Kushina butts in
cheerfully as she heads for coach, “is that basic hand-eye coordination doesn’t
make you a sports freak, Uchiha, it just makes you normal.”
Fugaku definitely should have let the ball hit her, Mikoto’s
wrath be damned. Mikoto would be failing Chemistry without his help; surely
that’s leverage enough to keep his skin intact.
“Just—throw the damn ball, Namikaze,” he snaps, folding his
arms over his chest.
Minato hesitates for a long moment, then sighs. “This isn’t baseball,”
he says. “We’re trying to kick it. And standing like that you’re never going to
get anywhere.” Before Fugaku can bristle, he crosses the space between them and
slips right behind Fugaku, putting his hands on Fugaku’s shoulders. Fugaku stiffens,
and Minato huffs. “See? If you go for a kick like this, you’ll either miss the
ball or fall over. Just relax. Uncross your arms and try to balance yourself. I’ve
seen you carrying around that huge horn thing for orchestra, and you haven’t fallen
and broken it yet, so you must have some
sense of balance.”
“Horn thing—it’s a
bassoon,” Fugaku splutters, entirely offended. “A woodwind, not a damn trumpet!”
“Right,” Minato says sheepishly. “That thing. Okay, arms
down, then stand like this.”
There are hands on his hips. Hands on his hips and breath on
the back of his neck and this is starting to look terrifyingly like some of Fugaku’s more explicit dreams about the
football captain.
In desperation, he jerks free of Minato’s hold and aims a
blind kick at the football. His foot connects, and the ball flies in a
direction that is more assuredly not straight, pegging Coach Jiraiya straight
in the back of the skull. At the same
time, Fugaku overbalances from the force and lands square on his ass.
Over by the water fountain, Kushina and Mikoto explode into
hyena-like laughter, and Fugaku groans.
With a sympathetic smile, Minato offers him a hand up. “At
least you managed to kick it that time. Try again?”
Gym is the worst class
ever, an nothing will ever change Fugaku’s mind on that front.
Hero of Fereldan, shaking Zevran awake: Babe, what the fuck, why do darkspawn carry money? What the fuck, why do they need money?
Zevran: Amor, please go back to sleep
Hero of Fereldan: Is it a capitalism? Is the Archdemon creating jobs? What the fuck?
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