artykyn:

prideling:

gunvolt:

im going to have a stroke

Instead try…

Person A: You know… the thing
Person B: The “thing”?
Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD

As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:

  • Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.
  • Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he says “….Ah….. that must be a Russian one then….”
  • Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.
  • Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word “préservatifes.” Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.
  • Defined a slang term for me……. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.
  • Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said “I don’t know” and turned to me and asked “Is there an English equivalent for Нумизматический?” and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.
  • Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned “How stressful!” into “What stressing!”

Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.”

cooliogirl101:

calleo:

rockabilly-autopsy:

thebibliosphere:

geographykhaleesi:

iamartemisday:

ozhawkauthor:

shiniestqueen:

vintar:

protip to aspiring authors: if you ever need to feel better about your writing then please just read any of the best-selling erotica titles on amazon

you’re fine

@ozhawkauthor I believe this may be relevant to your interests

THIS is why I keep shouting at fanfic writers to fucking get out there and publish their pornfic for realz. Because fanfic porn is approximately 373,000% better than what is out there on the market.

Plot, too. Holy shit, plot.

Just read these two reviews I wrote on my writer blog if you don’t believe me. 

Triple Princes (this book has been in the Top 200 on all of Amazon for the last freaking MONTH and I AM STILL MAD about it)

The Billionaire’s Maid (this post went semi-viral. I was being particularly hilariously enraged by the book’s sheer awfulness. You probably should read it. The post, not the book. Dear God, don’t read the book.)

I’m sorry, I’m dying at the fire hydrant thing.

Just… the mental image of that… holy shit…

I can feel @thebibliosphere ‘s pain. I can feel it tumblr mom

Every time this post goes round an editor gets a migraine. 

Like a snake killing it’s prey? That’s its, not it’s, you boob!

Eardrums bursting, for most people, would be excruciatingly painful enough to stop any thought of continuing sex in its tracks, likely with a bit of panic over having gone SUDDENLY  DEAF.

@erimies bc u know I had to tag you in this 😛

Submission: Strong!Hinata prompt response

blackkatmagic:

Okay so I saw the strong/political Hinata prompt and I had to write something for it. I hope you don’t mind my sending it to you? 

His father has just died, and he is furious. Hinata can see it in the way his fists clench as her father walks by, the way his jaw tightens when an elder praises his progress, the way he refuses to look at her. It really doesn’t surprise her that he steps too far out of line and pays the price.

Her father is crying. His brother marched to die in his place, now his nephews small body is cradled in shaking arms. The elder that activated the seal, that watched as her cousin writhed and screamed and bled and died, looks on impassively. He does not care.

Hinata is four years old. She cares. She will fix this.

So she trains. She takes to her lessons with cold fire burning in her body, the kind that hides in the embers, ready to blaze up and burn with the right breath of wind. She learns her characters, reads. Learns her katas, fights. Learns clan politics, plots.

Then Hanabi is born, and things have to change.

She cannot burn too bright, or the seal will be inked onto her sisters forehead. Her progress slows, plateaus, stops. She finds the line and toes it constantly, staying just good enough not to be a failure, but not great enough to be the heir of the Hyuuga clan.

The elders set a limit. If she cannot prove her capability by the time Hanabi reaches genin, then she will be branded in her sister’s place.

Hinata is eight years old. She has eight more to fix this.

She goes to Ino and Shikamaru, children still, but far more knowledgeable than her in general politics. They are bright, bright children, and she soaks in their light and makes it her own. She learns the law of Konoha, not just the laws of her clan. She discovers in what circumstances the former can overrule the latter. She begins to plan under their careful instruction.

Hinata is 12 years old. She has four more years. But, the seal.

Jiriaya of the Sanin is in town, and he is training Naruto. She knows he is a seal master, but she also knows he could never teach her, she is to young, and he is of too low a status for her clan to approve. Instead, she breaks into the apartment he is renting, left unlocked through confident complacency, and steals every book on sealing he owns. Then, remembering just how Naruto graduated, she masks her chakra, dons a henge, and breaks in to the Hokage’s private library.

Now hidden in a storage seal stuck to the bottom of her bed are 13 books on sealing. Most are far beyond her comprehension, but one appears to have been written to teach children. Complete with illustrations of stroke by stroke guides and easy to digest information, Uzumaki Kushina may just be the key to understanding the rest of her stolen goods. She wonders if this book was meant for Naruto, if this is his unknown mothers work, then she squashes the thought. She needs to be selfish.

Hinata is 16 years old. She has no more time.

The elders look down at her from their seats, contempt clear in their eyes. She is weak, a failure, an embarrassment to the clan, they believe. But she isn’t, and she will show them. Hanabi waits behind her, face hardened into something unreadable. Her sister lost her childhood too early, picking up the training and expectations that had slipped from Hinata’s shoulders when she sunk into mediocrity. She is here to see her elder sister branded, they all are.

That will not be happening.

From the storage seal inked onto her forearm, she draws out a single scroll. She clears her throat, begins to read.

“section 9 of the Konoha Clans Act, subsection 1; clans may govern persons of their clan according to their own existing clan laws, so long as a) the existing laws do not contradict any of the provisions set out in this act or; b) any future Acts passed by; i) the Hokage, or; ii) the Council of Clans. Subsection 2; any clan laws passed following the enactment of this act must not contradict Konoha laws of the relevant time.”

All eyes are focused on her now, confused. She is meant to be stating her case to remain heir, throwing her sister to the flames in her place. She is not meant to be quoting laws passed in the founders era.

“Section 17 of the Use and Regulation of Seals Act; no seal may be used to cause intentional pain or ill effects of any kind on any citizen of Konoha unless a) sanctioned by the Hokage, or; b) Torture and Interrogation requires such measures, or; c) the application of such a seal is done so voluntarily.”

The confusion is turning to anger, and she smiles. Finally. They see the threat she poses to their way of life, and they want her gone. They call to her father, demand she be branded for her insolence. But he is smiling, and he does not listen. he turns to her and asks what she would have them do.

She places the scroll on the table before him, revealing the seal she had been developing for the last year and a half. Carefully drawn and explained in the style of Uzumaki Kushina, it is unarguably a better option than the current seal. The control function has been removed, the pain inducer cancelled out, the only effect left the degradation of the eyes after death, and the addition of a trigger feature to combat live removal.

The elders are fuming and furious. Her sister is no longer unreadable, unreachable, but hovering behind her, uncertain. She reaches out her arm, and her sister ducks into the space she has made, understanding. Her useless sister was never useless. She was protecting her the entire time.

The Neji seal is put into use the next day, and Hinata is the first to don it. She wears the seal that bears her cousins name with pride, as does every other member of her clan. No longer a sign of servitude, the seal now stands for unity. All thanks to a little girl who loved her cousin, and lost him.

sai: I still don’t understand your bond with sasuke
naruto: this again?
naruto: look, it’s simple
naruto: basically, he’s my best friend, and the first person to really accept me for myself
naruto: we’re also rivals because I’ve always wanted to be his equal, but he made me feel inferior, that bastard
naruto: I admire his determination, skills, strength, and the hidden kindness in his heart
naruto: I admire the way his skin glows like the moon, the way his eyes are so clear and black, I can see my own reflection if I lean in close enough
naruto: his lips that feel like velvet and taste sour, but also a little sweet
naruto: like tomatoes, I guess… huh…
sai: and how do you know what his lips taste like?
naruto: oh yeah, we kissed a few times
naruto: it was mostly on accident
sai: but you say you’re friends?
naruto: no, no, we’re more than just friends
sai: I see… that makes more sense
naruto: yeah, he’s like a brother to me
naruto: a really infuriating, good-looking older brother
sai: I’m confused again
sai: so you’re not in love with him?
naruto: don’t be ridiculous- I just told you he’s like a brother to me
naruto: you can’t be in love with your brother
naruto: no matter how good-looking he is
naruto: that’s weird
sai: and the rest of this is normal?
naruto: um… yeah
sai: I understand now
naruto: you do?
sai: yes, if I was sasuke, I would want to kill you too
naruto: sai, we have to work on your people skills

coin-what-coin:

whaoanon:

beahbeah:

1. The role and functions of a pawn.

image

2. The weakest pieces on the board; numerous; interchangeable; existing to be sacrificed for the benefit of the real players.

image

3. Unlike other pieces, a pawn may not retreat. It can only go forward, one step at a time.

image

4. A pawn cannot capture a piece that blocks its path. It may only proceed if the opposing piece concedes ground, or if a different route is offered.

image

5. The en passant capture is a special move that permits one pawn to successfully attack another without directly engaging it.

image

6. Otherwise, the only way a pawn can capture is by going one step forward and to the left or right, in a single diagonal move.

image

7. In very rare occasions, if a pawn is allowed to cross the entire board, unscathed…

image

8. …it may be promoted to a queen, and, perhaps, turn the tide of the war.

(source)

pats face im always going to reblog this

are you fucking kidding me

pumpkinskull:

enigma-boi:

muhplastic:

enigma-boi:

muhplastic:

figurenews:

【テーブル美術館】figma「三世大谷鬼次の奴江戸兵衛(写楽)」原型公開&企画誕生秘話も : figure news

I can’t believe there’s a figma of this painting

Is figma doing a series of figures based on famous paintings?

First the was The Scream figma and now this

“First was The Scream”

Nope (and to answer your question) first was The Thinker

image
image

then Venus de Milo

image

then David

image

then Vitruvian Man

image

then starting next year generic Angel Statues

image

then The Scream

and after that the Yakko Edobei in the OP and soon the Mona Lisa

image

Nobody knows why FREEing decided to do these but they’re wonderful

I should clarify that The Scream was the first one I saw

But knowing this is a thing is something that has enriched my life

THE VITRUVIAN MAN RUNNING I CAN’T